As an INTJ female (for those into Myers-Briggs and the like), I am a hard person to know, and an even harder person to love. I wonder if someday my children will want to know what really went on in my brain. I shall leave them this gift. Well, maybe not so much a "gift" as an extremely uncomfortable last will and testament.
Colson, Ava and Zachary had their closing program at Awana last night. They've been attending Awana at the Zionsville Bible Fellowship Church for 4 years now, and they love it. Here are a couple of videos from last night's program.
Cole and Ava's parts of their group's recitations (I forgot and turned my camera sideways...can't rotate it once it's recorded):
I took the kids to the DaVinci Science Center yesterday for a field trip with Agora. For a portion of our tour we had a Kenyan tour guide with a very thick accent. He was very enthusiastic, and kept reminding the kids about all the opportunities they have here in America. None of the kids understood a word he said, but he wasn't affected by that.
Later on, he was talking to me and he said that he's noticed the biggest problem with American kids is that they don't read the instructions on each exhibit before rushing over and touching it. He said, "How do you know what you are trying to accomplish here if you don't read the instructions? How do you know if you've done it right? How do you know what results you are looking for?"
I agreed with him wholeheartedly, but my instinct was to respond with, "Do you know what the biggest problem with Kenyan tour guides is? Their complete lack of dental hygiene. I mean really, dude...WOW! Are you working on a science experiment to find out how long humans can hold their breath? You might want to move way over by the Rocks And Minerals display before you start preaching."
I've finally found a whole grain pasta that I like. Barilla's whole grain pastas are only 51% whole grain, but they taste really good and have the same great texture as regular pasta. So you'll eat it a lot more often. I now prefer their whole grain spaghetti to regular spaghetti. You get a bit more of that al dente texture from the whole grain pasta, which I love. You also get just a hint of a nutty grain flavor, but not so much that it changes the flavor of whatever pasta dish you're making.
100% whole grain pastas taste awful, and the texture is terrible. The way I see it, it's better to eat something a little bit better for you all of the time than something perfectly better for you once and then never again...
It's a bittersweet moment....while it's nice to be able to walk around the house in my underwear, it's very sad that there will be no one around to wet their pants laughing when I try to do a clapping push up...
We came a long way from those first days of hanging around the bathroom floors together, bent over the toilets, eh?
Here's a question for my readers who are workout savvy. (Basically, that's you, Michael T.)
Like most people I'm sure, my right bicep is much stronger than my left. Also, my right bicep muscle is noticeably larger than my left. (And when I say "noticeably", I mean that my right bicep is 1/8" high, and my left is 1/12" high.) To rectify this situation, do I:
A) Lower the weight that I use for curls to only the highest weight that my left bicep can handle.
B) Use a different weight dumbell in each hand.
C) Just wait and muscle size will even out after awhile, it's not like my biceps are that big anyway that anyone would ever notice the difference.
If we could choose our forefathers, I would have chosen James Randi as one of mine. I know I share DNA with this man, I just know it......I mean, his job description is "Legendary Skeptic". Hello. "Grampa, I've found you!!!!!!!" And it's completely feasible that this guy could have given birth to Bob Lewis.
I especially love the part where he debunks homeopathic medicine.
I'm off to Oklahoma City today to compete at the Oklahoma Dance Rush. First time I've ever done back to back dance weekends....Richard and I will be on the ground in Oklahoma for exactly 28 hours, in which time we have to teach a workshop, rehearse and compete. Insanity.
Overheard in the car on the way home from Awana last night:
Ava(7): Hey Zachary, tonight a girl in my class told me that she thinks you're cute!
Zachary(4): Wow, that was nice of her.
Something tells me that I will be hearing this exact conversation over and over and over for the next 16 years.
In other news, happy birthday to my drop dead gorgeous niece Brianne. She's the best kind of sexy, the scary kind. Don't let her amazing looks fool you; the minute you cross her, girl will cut you and leave you for the dogs. Divine, I say...!
Since today is my sister Amy's birthday, I thought I'd celebrate by teaching you the hand signals that go along with Amy's ordering in a restaurant. That way, if you ever get the chance to go out to dinner with her, you won't feel like you're in a foreign country and don't know the language.
First, we have "side of". This is a classic, usually used while asking for guacamole or sour cream. The hand signal is specific; you'll note that the size depicted by the hand signal is much larger than a ramekin, and you should also note that the signal has to move sharply in a downward motion three times. This turns this hand signal into a hypnosis technique, whereby the waiter realizes he/she should bring Amy a soup bowl of guacamole, while still charging her for just a ramekin of guacamole. Trust me, it works. I've seen many a server fall prey to it...
The next signal is called "one shot, tall glass". Amy uses this to insure that servers understand that she wants one shot served in a tall glass. You might say to yourself "wow, isn't that obvious just by saying it?" Apparently you've never tried to order something different at a Chili's restaurant from a 16 year old server. They need all the clarification you can give them. (you all know you've seen her do this, don't even lie...)
This one is fun, it's called "two". This is used when Amy wants two of something. Normally it's something that servers don't usually bring two of (i.e. baskets of chips, Diet Pepsis for one person, etc) so, again, clarification is necessary. *You need to note the dramatic forward thrust of the "two". That part is essential, it won't work otherwise.
While this one isn't restaurant specific, it's important to note. It's called "nose itch". I mention it because when you see it you might think, knowing that Amy gives many odd hand signals in restaurants, that it means something else. It doesn't. It just means her nose itches.
Sometimes Amy tells the server to tell the cook something. This hand signal is called, "tell the cook to...", and is usually followed by "make it really hot", "make it really crispy", or "we're in a big hurry".
When the server is particularly slow and Amy's ready for her check or a refill, this one will show itself. It's called "where's the waiter". I'm probably not doing it fast enough, Amy's got more wrist strength from years of perfecting this signal.
And now for some real fun!!! Let's put some of these together! Here is "two sides of":
And here's "two shots in a tall glass":
And my personal favorite, "two shots in a tall glass with a side of something really hot, my nose itches"!!!!!!
And last but certainly not least, we have "the industry". Amy's been working in the food service industry for many many years now, and it's one of her favorite topics to talk about. When discussing the ins and outs of food service, she always uses this hand signal and says "the industry". It's become a family joke, we all use this when we talk about our jobs.
So there you have it. I expect you all to make Amy proud on her birthday, practice these hand signals, and be fluent in ASL the next time I see you out at a restaurant.
Riding on the plane home from LA Sunday night, there was a woman two rows behind me who, I kid you not, talked the ENTIRE three and a half hours. And didn't talk in a low indoor voice, but talked in one of those, "I'm answering my cell phone in public and I want everyone around me to hear how important I am that people call me even when I'm out shopping" voices.
She was a playwright and a yoga enthusiast and was going on and on about the relationship between energy and creativity. The men she was sitting with seemed to be fans of hers, and every now and then, when she'd take a breath, they'd murmur in awed appreciation of her pontifcations, not caring that she hadn't allowed them to interject one word.
I was seated in a row with a cute older couple who were holding hands and partaking of $10 plastic airplane cups of red wine throughout the flight. They talked quietly to each other throughout the trip, but towards the end of the flight the man was getting fed up. Every few minutes he'd mock the yoga lady by repeating in a loud pompous voice something she'd just said. His wife would smack him on the arm and laugh.
Finally, as we landed, he turned to his wife and said, "Wow, she even makes you seem like a monk who's taken a vow of silence!!"
Phew, my laptop has power again. I got one of those universal laptop chargers at Best Buy. I feel like my best friend died on the operating table, but the surgeons brought her back with 30 minutes of CPR and electric paddles....CLEAR! Now let's just hope there wasn't much brain damage after all that time without oxygen. Of course if there was, I can just buy a new best friend.
In other news, Brooke said the funniest thing last night. In the software development world there are "deployments", where the program is tested. I was talking to Brooke, and she said that Jeff was very busy at work. She said there must be a de.......de.............I said, "deployment?" She said, "Oh yeah, that's it! I was about to say deportation, but I knew that wasn't right!"
The funny thing is, if you've ever seen the cultural landscape of Eric and Jeff's company, you know it would be entirely plausible that they'd hold a deportation....
Let me tell you how I feel about stink bugs. Stink bugs have overrun our home. They are unstoppable, there's no way to kill them or get them out of the house. The first few years of living here, they freaked me out. That horrible clicking sound of them flying around and bashing their ignorant selves against the walls, the swooping sound of them whizzing by your head, sooo creepy.
Then I became used to them. Grabbing a napkin and squashing one was second nature. I barely flinched when one crept past my head, along the roof of my mini-van. Those bastards are so slow and ignorant that catching them isn't even exciting.
But now this Spring, almost 10 years later, my reaction to the stink bugs coming out of dormancy is much different. Now, I'm pissed.
I've had it.
Now every time I see one, all I want to do is punch it in it's stupid little face. Which is a very frustrating feeling to have, as stink bugs don't have faces. When I came upon one walking around on my couch, I want to humiliate it. I want to grab it by the front of it's shirt and push it up against the wall and shout in it's ear that NO ONE TAKES OVER MY HOUSE!!!. ....Again, frustrating feelings to have as there is no shirt, nor ears.
Simply squashing them and throwing them away is so unsatisfying. It's too good for them, and I don't walk away feeling like I've taught them a lesson. I want to intimidate them; I want them to fear the look in my eye; I want them to respect me; I want them to tell all their bullshit stinky-ass buddies to stay far away from the bitch in 2105.
The thought that these retarded, passive things are running rampant in my house and I'm powerless to stop them is so maddening. I guess they remind me of 75% of people in the world, and I hate that even in my own home, ignorance that can't be killed swarms around me.
Well, #5 is gone. I have such mixed feelings about this decision. On one hand, McNabb is one of the winningest quarterbacks in the league and he's gotten the Eagles to the playoffs more times than not. But on the other hand he's never won us a Superbowl. One one hand McNabb is still young for a quarterback and is still performing at a high level, but on the other hand maybe consistently good isn't good enough anymore.
Sometimes I've thought that Andy Reid and McNabb were too comfortable with each other. There was too much nice guy going on. When Andy benched McNabb last season, that was the first time either one of them proved that they weren't young lovers fawning over each other. I think the Eagles need a little more "mean" somewhere in the franchise. We lost some mean when we got rid of Dawkins, we need to get that back.
The one thing I don't have mixed feelings about is the deal we got for McNabb. The Eagles should have gotten much more in the trade. And why trade him within the division?? We will have to play him twice a year now! Crazy...
There's a little piece of my soul that wishes McNabb could have ended his career as an Eagle, but I also know that sometimes you have to take a huge risk if you want different results. Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
One thing is for sure, McNabb was always too classy to play in a city like Philly. But there was always one family in the outer reaches of Montgomery County who appreciated his gentlemanly attitude, and who will miss seeing his million dollar smile on football Sundays.
My brother Andrew did a bang-up job with the Easter service. He did an amazing rendition of "On My Cross". Of course, I forgot my camera so there's no proof, but this is the video that was playing in the background while he played and sang this song:
And for my no-longer-Twitter-but-real-life friend Heather Wilson on her birthday, a geography lesson. Cities in different states aren't always far away from each other. San Francisco and Dallas, yes. Newark and East Greenville, no.
These photos are from the best birthday party Ava has had so far. I separated the kids into two teams (one led by Eric, one led by Brooke), and each team had to complete a list of tasks and have a picture taken of them while doing it.
Entire team under an umbrella
Trike race around cones
Everyone had to trade shoes with someone else on their team
Everyone on the team in front of a stop sign
Spelling out the name "AVA" with their bodies
Sorting a plate of jelly beans by color
Pretending to be sleeping
Completing a floor puzzle
Jumping on a bed
Whole team in a tub
Human pyramid
Score 5 goals
Standing in height order
Hanging from a tree
Entire team making a "hand sandwich"
Each member completing egg in a spoon walk
Everyone drinking out of one of 10 straws in one cup
Sitting on a curb
Standing in front of a black mailbox
Sitting on a bench
Making 10 baskets
Whole team in the banister
That was the best party. Every child that came had fun. If I had things my way I'd host that same party every year for every one of my children. I probably had more fun coming up with the inane tasks than the children did actually doing them...and I've had so many more ideas since then.
Eric and I finally saw Avatar last night, at The Grand Theater in East Greenville. I will repeat what most people I've talked to have said about it; amazing CGI (although probably only best viewed in 3D), ridiculous story and message. The script of Avatar can be explained in one simple mashup.
The first half of the movie I couldn't get Vanessa Williams singing Colors of the Wind from Disney's Pocohontas out of my head. If you've seen Avatar and Pocohontas, you have to admit I'm right. Native girl teaches outsider how to listen to the spirit of the trees.
The second half of the movie begins when Jake Sully gives his impassioned speech to the Na'vi, enticing them to war with the Sky People and begging them to gather all the tribes together to fight. At the end of his speech, I pumped my fist into the air and yelled, "FOR SCOTLAND!!!!" in my best William Wallace accent. (My husband grabbed my arm and whispered violently, "We're in a public place and there are other people here!!!" ....he's cute when he thinks I care...*smile....)
YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT!!! Avatar turned into Braveheart at that moment. Jake Sully was Mel Gibson with twinkling skin and extra long limbs.
So there you have it. Pocohontas + Braveheart = AVATAR!!!
Yesterday morning I woke up with Rolf Harris melodies running through my head. If you don't know Rolf Harris, he is an Australian singer/songwriter/comic. My parents had his All Together Now LP when I was growing up (why? not sure...maybe Dad went to Australia and brought it back?), and it was probably the most listened to music in our house. This LP was only second to the Bill Cosby stand-up routines LPs. Andrew and I spent hours at a time listening to and singing these songs. I adored Rolf's accent and his ability to tell a story not only with his lyrics, but with his intonation and inflection. I shall now share his genius with you.
I can't listen to Rolf sing Waltzing Matilda without getting a little misty-eyed, as if I've suddenly become a displaced Aboriginal Australian who longs for her homeland.
Every now and then, for absolutely no reason at all, this lyric runs through my head....it's like my brain masturbating for a moment, indulging in the delightful combination of tongue twisting lyric played against the syncopated rhythm, "Now if you want to take some pictures of the the fascinating witches who put the scintillating stitches in the britches of the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies of the haram of the court of King Caractacus, you're TOO LATE!!!!!! (TOO Late???)" (in fact, my brain just went and did it again twice while writing this...shameful)
Maximilian Mouse, one of the greatest story songs ever. Download this one for your children. Well, download them all for your children, but this one especially.
Another amazing story song, Six White Boomers. This one filled (to be honest, FILLS) my soul with Christmas magic, and made (makes) me long to live in a country that had a story so much cooler than flying reindeer with glowing noses.
And if your children don't adore I've Lost My Mummy and ask for you to play it over and over and over, I'll refund you the $1.29 it costs to download it....(my own Mummy choreographed a little routine for me when I was a teenager, for the church talent show, in which I lip-synched this song while changing hats for each part; the child, the store worker, and the mother.)
So many more songs from that album, but these were the only ones I could find to share. If you get a chance, go to iTunes and download these songs for yourself and for your children. You moms are guaranteed to have quiet in the car as long as Rolf Harris is playing through the speakers.
Fushia pedal pushers with a white palm leaf printed peasant top...why would one climb a tree or fish in anything else?
Well, #5 is gone. I have such mixed feelings about this decision. On one hand, McNabb is one of the winningest quarterbacks in the league and he's gotten the Eagles to the playoffs more times than not. But on the other hand he's never won us a Superbowl. One one hand McNabb is still young for a quarterback and is still performing at a high level, but on the other hand maybe consistently good isn't good enough anymore.
Entire team under an umbrella
Trike race around cones
Everyone had to trade shoes with someone else on their team
Everyone on the team in front of a stop sign
Spelling out the name "AVA" with their bodies
Sorting a plate of jelly beans by color
Pretending to be sleeping
Completing a floor puzzle
Jumping on a bed
Whole team in a tub
Human pyramid
Score 5 goals
Standing in height order
Hanging from a tree
Entire team making a "hand sandwich"
Each member completing egg in a spoon walk
Everyone drinking out of one of 10 straws in one cup
Sitting on a curb
Standing in front of a black mailbox
Sitting on a bench
Making 10 baskets
Whole team in the banister
