Bug Rage

Let me tell you how I feel about stink bugs. Stink bugs have overrun our home. They are unstoppable, there's no way to kill them or get them out of the house. The first few years of living here, they freaked me out. That horrible clicking sound of them flying around and bashing their ignorant selves against the walls, the swooping sound of them whizzing by your head, sooo creepy.

Then I became used to them. Grabbing a napkin and squashing one was second nature. I barely flinched when one crept past my head, along the roof of my mini-van. Those bastards are so slow and ignorant that catching them isn't even exciting.

But now this Spring, almost 10 years later, my reaction to the stink bugs coming out of dormancy is much different. Now, I'm pissed.

I've had it.

Now every time I see one, all I want to do is punch it in it's stupid little face. Which is a very frustrating feeling to have, as stink bugs don't have faces. When I came upon one walking around on my couch, I want to humiliate it. I want to grab it by the front of it's shirt and push it up against the wall and shout in it's ear that NO ONE TAKES OVER MY HOUSE!!!. ....Again, frustrating feelings to have as there is no shirt, nor ears.

Simply squashing them and throwing them away is so unsatisfying. It's too good for them, and I don't walk away feeling like I've taught them a lesson. I want to intimidate them; I want them to fear the look in my eye; I want them to respect me; I want them to tell all their bullshit stinky-ass buddies to stay far away from the bitch in 2105.

The thought that these retarded, passive things are running rampant in my house and I'm powerless to stop them is so maddening. I guess they remind me of 75% of people in the world, and I hate that even in my own home, ignorance that can't be killed swarms around me.