I'm Other

An exchange between my husband and I last night:

Me: In case you were wondering, my car is in the driveway and not in the garage because I accidentally locked my keys in it.

Eric: Oh, I was wondering. But then I did what I always do when it comes to you, I check the box marked "other". You know, when the question is about you and the answer is multiple choice where the last choice is other, I've learned to always choose other....


That might be the best compliment I've ever received...

Let's Dance

Today I give you my videos from the MidAtlantic Dance Classic, where I competed this past weekend.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zach tells us what he'd do if attacked by a shark or a bear.

Ava's Fashions

The perfect museum field trip outfit. Patterned tights, corduroy skort, puffy pink vest, and sweater boots at the end of a perfect little girl pigeon toed stance. The fact that Ava looks 10 in this picture when she was only 6 is a perfect example of why it's important to find clothes that walk that fine line between child and teen...

Winning Isn't Everything, It's The Only Thing

Today I'm competing at the MidAtlantic Dance Classic in Baltimore at 12:30pm.

Then I will rush home to compete in the 2nd Annual Team Trivia Night at Cabrini College with other members of my family at 7pm.

My goal is to win both.

Brooke Loves To Help

Ava was doing math yesterday, and when she brought me her worksheet this picture was drawn on the back.


For those who don't know, my niece Brooke and her husband Jeff have been staying with us for the past few weeks while they look for a new place to live. Brooke works from home as a customer service rep., and she has her office set up in our basement. So I guess this is how Ava sees Brooke. All covered in hearts and smiles, with a pleasant greeting coming out of her mouth. I love that even Brooke's uvula is a heart...

I won't tell Ava that one of Brooke's grumpy old man customers called her a bitch the other day and hung up on her. I guess he couldn't see her heart-shaped uvula over the phone.

Friendly Reminder

Yesterday at the store, Zachary walked up to my mother and said, with his eyebrows raised, "Gramma, you do know that you and Papa are going to die soon, right?" She said, "Yes Zachary, I know that." "Ok, good," he said.

This was even worse than all the times he's reminded her that her dog Teddy died and is never coming back.

Zachary is so lucky he has a grandmother who understands him...otherwise he'd be the most hated grandson ever.

He's Fluent In Suzanne

Heard in my house last night:

Eric: That's why you love me, because I'm so unpredictable!

Me: Actually, you're the most predictable person I know...

Eric: (said with a hangdog look) You're right, I'm not unpredictable at all, and I knew you were going to say that.

Me: But you're very authentic, and that's why I love you.

Eric: (rolling his eyes) Wow, now there's a compliment you don't hear every day. But I'm very flattered, because knowing you, it's as if you just said I was really hot.


...I think I need to hire him as my translator, he's getting good at this.

Honey Nut Circles With Holes In The Middle

Recently I've been buying the Malt-O-Meal bags of cereal. My sister Amy brought a few bags of them for a white elephant gift at my last Christmas cocktail party. The person who unwrapped them left them at my house (accidentally? I think not...), so I put them in the pantry for the kids and they LOVED them. "Cereal, in bags!!" Now I buy them, because they're comparatively so much cheaper. You get twice the quantity in their giant bags as you do from a box. I also love the names. Froot Loops are Tootie Frooties. Apple Jacks are Apple Zings. Honeycombs are Honey Buzzers. You get how it works. (Funny enough, the Frosted Flakes are called Frosted Flakes. That surprised me, so I googled it and realized that Frosted Flakes are actually called Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. Who knew??)


The one problem is that the bags are so large that they're hard to store while they're being used, and hard for the kids to pour from. So the last time I went to Walmart, I bought a few of those tall plastic containers with flip tops for pouring. I came home from the store, and was pouring a bag of cereal into one of those containers when Eric walked into the kitchen.


Eric says, "Wow, so we're that kind of family now...."

Yes my darling, we are definitely that kind of family.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Little Zachiedoodle has been sick with the stomach bug (round #2 for him) all weekend, so he wasn't feeling up to making a video. Instead I give you a couple of videos he made a few weeks ago. In the first video he sings "I'm In The Lord's Army". In the second video, he wanted to show the different ways he likes to sing the part "shoot the artillery".

Ava's Fashions

A blousy white peasant top paired with mint green bermuda shorts, silver t-strap flat sandals and side parted hair. The perfect "first day of VBS" outfit.

Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby

Have you ever.......My mother used to worry that Colson would be kidnapped when he was young, because he was so beautiful. (You know, 'cause the kids on milk boxes are always the pretty ones...kidnappers are all about aesthetics.)

Future Generations Shall Know Me

Oops, entered the wrong date the other day when I scheduled this post. It was supposed to publish yesterday. Did everyone panic when they saw I hadn't posted anything new??!?! Oh well, I can't be perfect all the time...a mistake once every two years is allowed.

I TOTALLY want one of these at my gravesite.

Splitting Hairs

Living with my niece Brooke for the first time, I've learned something. That girl loses more hair when she takes one shower than I have on my entire head. And yet she still walks around with a veritable afro on top of her head.



Life is so unfair.

Safety First, Unless...

Zach and Ava were at my parents house yesterday for a few hours while I went to the salon. At some point, Zachary got bored and said to my mother, "Gramma, I don't know what to do."

Mom sent him down to the basement to see my Dad, in the hopes that Dad would find Zach something to do. Well, find something he did! Dad decided it was time to teach my 4 year old the rules of gun ownership while showing him a real gun.

So in the car on the way home, Zachary says to me, "Mom, I know the rules of guns." I asked him to tell me, and he said this:

"Rule Number One: Always make sure there are no bullets in the gun.

Rule Number Two: Never point the gun at a person.....unless it's a bad guy and you're trying to kill him.

I can't remember the other two rules."

So there you have it. All you need to know about gun safety.

(I'm thinking the caveat to Rule Number Two is Zachary's own addition...)

Monday Mornings With Zachary

From Zach's archives. In this clip he shows us all of his different faces.

Ava's Fashions

Another amazing bathing suit memory. Navy blue high-waisted two-piece with white polka dots, connected in the front by a giant white sequined daisy. Very little girl pin-up.

Swing On By For A Dance

Tonight is the first of my monthly social dances at Studios on Main in East Greenville, PA.

"Take A Lef' At The Y"

This is a training video circa 1973 from the Aviation Officer Candidate School in Pensacola, FL. This is where my Dad became a pilot. While the cheesy thought bubble 70s speak makes me laugh out loud, the footage of the planes landing on and taking off from the aircraft carriers makes me believe Dad even more when he says it's the scariest thing he's ever done in his life.

Cutting Edge Razor

My husband bought me this razor for Christmas. I'm a big fan of getting random new heath and beauty products for Christmas, things I wouldn't normally waste money on to experiment with through the year. I was excited to use this razor, and it didn't disappoint. Introducing the "hovercraft experience":

Dance Meets Science

Creepily beautiful.

It's Like A Dream

The night before one of the big snowstorms of February, Eric suggested we take the kids to a hibachi restaurant. I'm not a fan of Japanese cuisine, but I knew the kids would get a kick out of it.

Remember the story of Colson and the street musicians? Well, he had a similar reaction to the hibachi chef. He was mesmerized. Watching the guy do his knife tricks and his onion volcano and his vegetable tossing so enthralled Cole that he couldn't eat.

Halfway through the "show", Colson came over to me and whispered in my ear. "Mom, it's like this isn't even real! It's like we're in a TV show, this guy is that good!! I feel like I can't even believe this is happening!"

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Sick Zach explains what puking feels like.

Ava's Fashions

The perfect transitional outfit. Ava is no longer a little girl, but she's far from being a teenager. She's in that stage where it's hard to find clothes that will keep her looking age appropriate. But leggings with a bubble skirt and ballet flats will always keep a little girl looking little but not too little. Especially when white polka dots are involved.

Hop To It

Looking at the weather forecast for this coming week, I'm feeling Easter in the air....

Get Out Of My Head

Melissa sent me an email last night that reminded me of something Ava said the other day.


Ava's been in love with these "drawing pads" since she was 18 months old. You've seen these, you draw/write on them, and then you slide the button across the bottom and the drawing is erased. She's always had one, when one goes bad someone gets her another. (In fact, Melissa got her a new one for Christmas 3 years ago.) Anyway, the other night I went in to tuck Ava into bed, and she was drawing on this. I commented on her picture, said I thought it was really good.

She replied, "Sometimes when I draw, I imagine that there is a cord that goes from my drawing pad to a little man's printer, and that little man prints out my pictures and keeps them."

Wow. Abstract much? We introverted intuitives say things in a straaaaaange way. I mean, let's not forget my first blog post.

Melissa's email was a similar story about her son Gavin, who is an INFJ, an abstract introverted feeler. He said to her last night, "There is a yellow guy in my head. Kinda like pacman but with legs and when I have bad thoughts the yellow guy throws them in the trash for me.

Maybe there's a reason abstracts make up only 15% of the world's population.

Flying Down 95 With A Mattress On My Roof

A few months after I moved to Nashville, my sister Amy drove down to visit. She brought her son Nathan and his best friend. She also brought down my mattress.

Because Amy didn't properly attach the mattress to the top of the van so that it would stay, she and Nathan spent a majority of the drive down with their arms out the front windows, holding onto the mattress with their hands (super funny mental image).

Nathan gave me this note when they finally arrived.



Needless to say, I didn't give in to any of his demands. I decided anyone who didn't know how to spell mattress didn't get to threaten me. :)

Grapevine Left And Spin Your Oxygen Tank 'Round!

We've already discussed my mother's days as a champion baton twirler, a beauty queen, and a pastor's wife like none other, but I've forgotten to talk about her days as the premiere line dance instructor at senior centers around the West Chester, PA area. She advertised her class as an aerobic line dance class for the elderly and got calls left and right from all the local YMCAs and retirement villages. Of course, she ended up in the newspaper. It wouldn't be a Jan Lewis endeavor if it didn't end up in the newspaper...

No one need ever wonder again where I got my inclination towards random jobs and hobbies.

An Eric (The Funny One??) Episode

Driving in the car the other day (why do so many of these funny stories happen in the car?), Zach asked if he could use my cell phone to call someone. He said he wanted to call Uncle Andrew. I dialed, and handed him the phone. Andrew didn't pick up the phone, which annoyed Zach. He asked to call Gramma, she picked up and he chatted with her for awhile.

When he hung up with her, he said "I want to call Uncle Andrew now." Cole says to him, "Zach, you just did call Uncle Andrew, remember? He wasn't there."

Zach says, "No, I mean that Uncle that is really funny..." Cole replies, "Ohhhh! You mean Uncle Eric!"

Zach, "Yes, that's who I mean! That one! I want to call him."


If you know my brothers Eric and Andrew, you'll get what's funny about this.

I had no idea that my children knew how to use the word funny in the sense of "slightly touched in the head"....

It's Not Just The Thought That Counts

So, you know how greeting cards are completely ridiculous. They all spout the same tired old sentiments or the same old ridiculous punchlines. How when you open one, be it on your birthday or anniversary or Valentine's Day, you have to make the appropriate "yes, even though you're not gifted enough to realize that this card, while the pretty picture on the front is different, says the EXACT SAME THING the card you gave me last year said, I still love you and thank you so much for the thought!" facial expression. No? Well maybe it's just me....

Anyway, Melissa, Queen of finding the perfect everything, gave me an A-MAZING birthday card this year. I have decided it deserves a blog post all to itself. And here it is:



I mean, really. Any card that combines fossilized genitals with Jesus shooting pool is DEFINITELY a card for me. Melissa FTW! BOOYAH!


(and for online cards, of course nothing beats someecards. Bethany and I send each other one of those weekly.)

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zach explains digestion and brain waves.