My Best Birthday Present

When I was 8, I wanted a boy barbie doll. My brother Andrew, who was 16, decided to make me one. This wasn't unusual, Andrew was always making me things. He's the creative Lewis, with music, art, and humor oozing out of his pores.

So Andrew took one of my female Barbies and made a man out of her for my birthday. He gave her a butch haircut and a mustache.

But this wasn't just a regular Barbie. This was Growing Up Skipper. She was a pre-teen Barbie with a flat chest, perfect for turning into a male, right??

Wrong. Very wrong. Why, you ask? Watch this video to find out:




Oh yes! Andrew had made Hermaphrodite Barbie. (Not sold in stores.)

I didn't realize at 8 years old how much I'd wish I still had her at 35 years old. My greatest regret.

Happy Birthday To The Commish!!

In honor of his birthday, experience the funny that is my brother Andrew. He's the Commissioner of our family's fantasy football league. Every week he writes an article about the previous weekend's football escapades, and previews the next weekend's games. Each week his articles prove why among many other things, he should have been a sportswriter.

ERIC MOSLEY: GM OF THE WEEK (9) ... back-to-back!... Eric Mosley repeats as GM of the Week despite a very strong performance by Bonnie Johnson's Delaware Destroyers - other highlight, THREE-WAY TIE FOR Kicker of the Week!

Champions get hot when the games get bigger - and with the post-season just two weeks away, the 8-1 Mosley Dolphins are showing why they are the team to beat in the 2009 Philadelphia Challenge. The 'Phins grabbed their 2nd GM of the Week honor today after defeating SpecialEd 136-107 - collecting Team HighScore award and RB of the Week award as well. The hot Delaware Destroyers (4-5) made a case for their first GM honor with their three trophies (WR, D/ST, & K) but the points value of their trophies fell just shy of Mosley's. The Destroyers are on a four game winning streak - after starting the season with FIVE straight losses!

Nate's DoggPounders guaranteed a victory this weekend and despite everyone's laughter at the mere thought, they went out and got their very first victory of the season ... AND PICKED UP A QB OF THE WEEK AWARD, TOO!!!! Arizona's Kurt Warner threw for 30pts and led the Pounders (1-8) to a 98-58 thrashing over LittleRupple (4-5).


............... CIVIL WAR WEEK ...............
forget relationships, forget civility, forget "let me get that for you honey" ...

INAUGURAL ROUTE 663 BOWL -> 6-3 SauteedMules at 8-1 Mosley Dolphins:
You can bet these two teams have had this game marked on their calendar since August. This is probably our league's most heated rivalry - both battling it out for supremacy over East Greenville. This game will easily be the highest rated game of the weekend!

INAUGURAL TRAILER BOWL -> 5-3 SpecialEd at 5-3 RoopDogs:
While most of the nation's eyes will be on the little town outside Quakertown, PA ... those without cable, as long as they have the extra wide coat hanger with the .75 grade aluminum foil wound tightly around it, will be able to watch this game in ultra-clear black-n-white. Visit your local 7-11 to pick up Limited Edition Jerry Springer 3D glasses to enhance your viewing pleasure of this game ... The loser of this game will NOT get the benefit of a bye week when the post-season starts - the winner will still have a decent mathematical shot at earning the 4th seed - and a chance to rest up for the playoffs.

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(Sauteed Mules are my team, Mosley Dolphins are my husband Eric; RoopDogs are my sister Amy's team, SpecialEd is her boyfriend Ed's team)

How A Ninja Celebrates

Now I know why people say "party like a rockstar" and not "party like an INTJ".

First of all, this is how a ninja gets her ears pierced. Nary a smile, and nary a scream. There were tears at the end, but I saw that they were coming and hugged her so she could shed them in private.




And this is how a ninja acts when a group of wild clappers in red shirts sings Happy Birthday to her. Now mind you, Ava had been looking forward to the birthday singing all day, and had specifically chosen Chili's BECAUSE of the birthday singing. But this is how a ninja must react:



Her thought bubble is, "nothing is happening, nothing is happening, nothing is happening...". "Don't react, don't react, don't react, don't react." And yet she was loving it. She's been telling everyone about how the Chili's servers sang to her.

No one knows how to hide a reaction like an INTJ. INTP's run a close 2nd, but I think we'd take the prize.

Happy Birthday To My Giant

7 years ago today:





Happy birthday to the girl who's never been little in any way. She came out of the womb with a giant body, and has since proven that she has a giant brain, a giant heart, and giant determination and spirit.

Next Stephen King?

I was going through a junk pile the other day and came across Ava's old story notebook. When she was 3, my mom gave her this spiral notebook that Ava used to write and illustrate stories. When she'd finish a story, she'd bring me the book and read it to me. Back then, being 3 years old, her spelling was sketchy and she didn't quite understand how to write her sentences in order on the page, so I'll translate beneath each page....even more shocking than the fact that Ava wrote this at 3 years old is the fact that she chose this subject matter.

They were holding hands for bed. It was time.

But sadly, a lady bad woman was at the window.

Going to steal the girl. But in the morning the girl was gone.

Then they went to find the girl.

She told the Daddy about the girl.

It was snowing. Boo, spooky.

Aha!

I'm such a huge fan of the old lady at the window, with the bags around her eyes and the Picasso-esque crooked nose.

I also adore the mother's face as she hugs the found girl, with her closed eyes and arched brows.

From a very young age, Ava was able to draw expression in faces. Even when every other aspect of the person was drawn at a normal toddler level, the facial expressions were always so mature....

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zach "reads" a bedtime story to his fans.

Ava's Fashions

Now THIS is what you wear to play golf. A denim flared mini, in a fun summer color (it's a skort, that makes it sporty, right??). A tiered white tank top with a ribbon accent. And pink polka dot wedge peep toe ankle strap sandals. The pony tail says "casual day out golfing", but the shoes say "that's right, go ahead and think I'm a prissy girl, and while you're thinking that I'm going to score a birdie on your pathetic butt"...