My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 2

*italicized content was written after the lawsuit was settled. non-italicized content is the original blog post from 2012.

This was day 2. An extremely intense day. My nephew's then ex-girlfriend Lindsay decided to voice her opinions on my posting of this story. I'd only met Lindsay a couple of times, at family functions. I didn't really know her at all until she started commenting on my blog. 

People asked me for months why I published Lindsay's comments. My answer has always been I wanted people to see what victims of abuse are up against. When kids or adults tell their family and friends they've been abused, they usually get one of two responses. Either no one wants to talk about it, or everyone wants to find a way to blame the victim. Lindsay is a great example of the latter. Her hateful attitude is in no way unusual, and reading it in real-time was hopefully an eye-opener for everyone.



The comments became very heated that day so again, you may want to keep this post away from children. But feel free to add new comments of your own.

As I think back to the day I went to the police station, two things stick out in my mind. One, I remember so vividly the state trooper who took our statements. She was just a tiny thing, but to me she was as big and strong as Arnold Schwarzenegger. If I were to ever see her again, I'd have to thank her for making me realize I had power over my past. 

I also remember the Victims Support group ladies, who were there to provide comfort in case I was alone, and offered to come back with me while I gave my statement. If I ever saw them again, I'd have to apologize profusely for blowing them off in what was probably not the most gracious manner. I couldn't take the kindness in their eyes, nor their palpable empathy. I knew they knew how I was feeling, and if I'd acknowledged them I might have fallen apart. They were so lovely and accepted my brush-off with grace. I hope they knew my rejection was nothing personal.


(originally posted January 24, 2012)

(...these posts are not necessarily written in chronological order, and were all written sometime in the past month or so.)

I called the state police department and reported the details of my abuse. The state trooper made an appointment for me to come in and give my statement. Melissa offered to go with me.

When we got there, a state trooper took me back to the room where they videotape statements. There was a representative there from the Victims Support group to go back with me, since Melissa wasn't allowed to. The trooper asked me to share my story, not leaving out any details. She said she'd stop me when she had questions.

We spent the next 90 minutes or so going over every detail of my molestation. She wanted to know every last detail, everything I could remember. She took down all of the contact information for everyone involved. She was so great. Her persona was very matter of fact, and she only cracked a couple of times during my story. There were a few "you're kidding me" moments from her. But she made me feel very comfortable, even with the two pistols in her exposed shoulder holster, enough to share all the ugly details. It was probably the most intense 90 minutes of my life, and the most freeing. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, what should have been done 25 years ago by an adult in my life.

The trooper told me that the reason Melissa couldn't come back with me was because Melissa was the Outcry Witness and had to be interviewed next. Melissa was waiting for me out in the lobby, with no idea she was about to be called back.

We went back out to the lobby and the trooper took Melissa back next. She interviewed Melissa for another 45 minutes, asking her more personal questions about me; what kind of a child I was, etc. She asked Melissa about her impressions of my ex-brother-in-law, what kind of a person he was. Melissa spent so much time with me and my family during this time that she was a great person to answer those questions. Melissa was a rock star, as usual, but I could tell that she'd been crying when she came back out.

The trooper let us know what the next steps in the process would be. She was ready to get the ball rolling on an arrest. She was already planning on who else she wanted to interview in the family, who would be essential to help with the case.

That was a day I'll never forget. I'll never understand why my parents didn't do this then.

ORIGINAL COMMENTS

Lindsay, Jan 24 10:15am: you should be ashamed of yourself. This is a disgusting way to handle this situation, completely thoughtless of your ex-brother-in-law's children.. this is their father, he was there when their mother wasnt, he basically put his life on hold to raise them. Think of your nieces and nephews, can you imagine how they are feeling? imagine how mortified they are? did you even think of what this would do to them?? this is your past but you have fucked their future. You are a terrible person, I feel bad for them that they have you as an aunt. Who would ever do this to their sisters children? Exploit them and slur their fathers name through the mud PUBLICLY. You are disgusting and any negative thing you have coming your way you fully deserve.

• Nick, Jan 24 10:50am: Lindsay, I'm sure this is not easy for her sister's kids. But that is not Suzanne's fault. Not in any way whatsoever. It is unfortunately their father's fault for committing such vile acts on his own sister-in-law...repeatedly. Nothing about this is easy for anyone in the family, I'm sure. But again, that is not Suzanne's fault. These are things that should have been said years ago. Keeping this quiet, secret and hidden has only led to more problems over the years, and not allowed true healing to happen. Now that the wound has finally been exposed, I believe that such healing can occur. Suzanne is not terrible for choosing to bravely share something terrible that HAPPENED TO HER. Her sister's kids will unfortunately have to deal with this; no child should have to know their father did such things. But they were also done a disservice in the long run by having this swept under the rug. I am truly flabbergasted that you would point fingers at Suzanne. This has been her burden to bear all these years. She is the victim no longer. And I, for one, am very proud of her.

• Sunshine, Jan 24 10:55am:  Lindsay, you are an embarrassment to women everywhere. Turn in your vagina before you have a daughter that gets sexually abused by a family member. We all know whose side you'll take!

• Michael T, Jan 24 11:19am:  Lindsay, I generally don't feel compelled to comment on things like this but in this case, I can't hold back. Are you fucking serious??!? You clearly don't have the capacity to understand what's happening here. Suzanne has been ashamed of herself for years....and it's scarred her for life. She has held back for 25 years, presumably for the sake of her family (her nieces and nephews included). This isn't about them or you or even her ex-brother-in-law. It's about Suzanne and her healing process. If her ex-brother-in-law had taken someone's life, should we hide that from his children too? Should we curse the media for reporting the crime because of what it might do to his children? He did a horrible thing that affected many people and obscuring it from his children or anyone else is pointless. You clearly don't have children (by the grace of God, given your inability to act in an intelligent fashion). I am a father and God forbid this should ever happen to my daughter, I would beat the guilty party to death, regardless of his relation to me or my family. To address your final statement - you're condemning Suzanne for how she's processing this trauma, yet you basically say she deserved it and everything else that comes her way? Karma drives an oversized bus, lady. It'll be by to run you over anytime now.

• Nick, Jan 24 11:30am: I can't get Lindsay's comment out of my head. While I certainly applaud your concern for her ex-brother-in-law's kids, I am really curious as to how you suggest this situation should be (or should have been) dealt with. I'm sure the Sandusky family wishes their name wasn't in the media. The only thing I can see that was accomplished by keeping this hushed-up was that a man that should have been convicted of a felony (I do believe her ex-brother-in-law's actions qualify as such) has avoided the legal consequences for his actions. And that truly sickens me. I hope that by Suzanne speaking up, justice can be served in other such cases. I've known far too many people in my life that have been the victim of sex crimes. I wish Suzanne didn't *have* to do this (i.e. that it hadn't come to this), but I'm glad that she has.

Anonymous, Jan 24 10:33am: Lindsay, I am a nobody, but imagine if this behavior continues today - and other girls suffer because of it. I have several friends who were sexually abused as children. They have lasting scars. How about helping to stop abuse instead of writing this!

Melissa T, Jan 24 10:59am: Lindsay I am so sorry for whatever personal tragedy occurred in your life that could cause you to treat the victim of a violent horrible crime with such ugliness. There is no excuse but that is the only thing I can come up with (beyond pure ignorance and stupidity) to explain your response. I will pray for you.

Christina Snell, Jan 24 12:03pm:  lindsay. who the fuck is this person? seriously what's your address? im a girl and can say what my brother in law couldn't.. you better hope you never see me on the street.. that suzanne doesn't offer up a picture of you.. cause i'll beat your fucking ass for the dumb shit that comes out of your dumb mouth. shut your dumb fucking mouth. or i will. suzanne. im sorry but i cannot stifle this response. i love you. my heart breaks. from knowing what happened. and then how perversely it was handled. you, my darling, are a wild and courageous woman. im a better person because of how you inspire me. lindsay. fuck you one more time.

• Lindsay, Jan 25 1:21pm: thats really great, fight violence with violence, bravo!

Christina Snell, Jan 24 12:22pm: p.s. do fathers put their lives on hold to raise their children? haha. what does that mean? i went to burger king the other day and the person that worked there wearing their burger king hat put their life on hold to take my order (i had a number 2. supersized).

Anonymous, Jan 24 12:29pm: Your parents did not feel the need to protect you?

Scott, Jan 24 1:21pm: What kind of man is told his daughter was molested, confronts the molester, who in turn confesses. yet he does not contact the proper authorities or beat the living shit out of said molester? Not much of a man at all. What a scumbag, he paved the way for there to be other victims. Your father is a disgrace also.

Scott, Jan 24 1:23pm: This is exactly what's wrong with this world.

Rebecca Jones, Jan 24 2:13pm: Lindsay, how dare you. This is entirely Suzanne's ex-brother-in law's fault. Period. The victim is the blog author. Yes, his children will be impacted and I wish he had thought about that before victimizing his wife's little sister. He's a monster and his actions shouldn't be kept a secret.

Stan Wojciechowski, Jan 24 2:35pm: Lindsay, I hope you read part 1 of this revelation, and more specifically, my comment. Something like this happened in my family and my nieces and nephew and their children still deal with it to this day. Had this been handled properly years ago, the children would have already dealt with it and be getting on with their lives. Plus, one more molester in this world would have been outed and listed in the database of sexual offenders! Suzanne, you know that I think the world of you, and give you props. You have helped me in more ways than just dance. You are the embodiment of what a wonderful human being is! And yes, so is my wife, Barbara! :-)

Half of Team MandM, Jan 24 3:14pm: Lindsay, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ANYWAY? NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU THINK, BECAUSE YOU MEAN NOTHING TO SUZANNE.…..so shut up you are really embarrassing yourself.

As a child of abuse it’s hard to explain the amount of self preservation that takes over to survive. It is hard enough growing up in a “normal” household, but when you add abuse to the mix the only way to cope is to put all the punches, bloody noses, cracked lips, bruises, being forced to punch your younger brother or be beaten by the abuser, the images of your mother unconscious, or with a gun to her head, or bleeding, bleeding so much……. as a 5 year old child I never saw so much blood, as it ran down the drain, I stared at my mother’s lifeless body thinking she was dead. I called 911 and when they arrived they found me and my brother crying over my mother’s unconscious body that was discarded into the master bathroom tub. My step father who was passed out in the hall was blocking paramedics who had to carry him to the living room as the others came in to save my mom. This was the second time a drunken Bud Clark had put my mother into the hospital and sadly not the last time……My dad got custody of my brother and I and I put all of this in a very dark space in the back of my mind until I was able to deal with it emotionally. It took 11 years before I finally confronted my mother. While growing up I would think about him once in awhile and wish he was in jail for the crimes he committed. I would imagine someone bigger and taller than him scaring him so much that the sound of their voice would cause him to wet himself as I did when I was a child, I would imagine someone beating the shit out of him until he passed out over and over again.

Sadly I, like Suzanne will never see true justice served for the crimes of abuse this man inflected on me, my brother and mother. I can only hope that like me, Suzanne finds peace. I believe this is the first step in her healing process and I am so proud of her. I have never met a more devoted mother, wife and friend as Suzanne, I am so proud to call her my dance partner. I know this would all be “easier” if Suzanne just kept it to herself like she has all these years but you know what she is the victim here and NO ONE else matters but her…..If anyone doesn’t like it TOO FUCKING BAD…….IT ISN’T ALWAYS ABOUT YOU AND HOW YOU ARE FEELING! Right now it is about Suzanne. Honestly, I think she should press charges and send this sick fuck and YES, he is in need of HELP, he is a sick mother fucker to do this to his sister in law, in his house, in front of his KIDS. What kind of sick FUCK does that? And another thing…..don’t think for one second Suzanne is the only one, I would guess there are many many more girls out there who have been abused by her ex-brother-in-law and it is only a matter of time before this sick individual is behind bars where he belongs.

Or like the saying goes, god works in mysterious ways.wait, I'm not a believer so maybe I should say, what goes around comes around because about 3 years after mother finally left Bud He moved to CA, and my mother stayed in AZ to rekindle the damaged relationship with her then teenage sons. I received a call from my mother...this is where that "peace" I mentioned earlier comes into play)...saying that Bud had been found murdered in CA, with a gunshot to the back of the head. People really do get what they deserve sometimes. BTW....Christina....we should hang out.....

Anonymous, Jan 24 10:56pm: Suzanne, thank you for also having the courage to leave Lindsay's remarks posted. They serve as a sobering reminder of the very typical, very irrational, and very evil re-victimization that occurs when abuse victims speak up. Note how she ignores the perpetrator’s deed, maximizes what she considers to be his good points, and shows him abundant empathy while at the same time demonizing you. It’s textbook “blame-the-victim.” Re-victimizers such as Lindsay are the chief allies of abusers. Their insistence on keeping truth hidden creates the dark, warm, cozy environment for the Jerry Sanduskys and pedophile priests of the world to flourish like malignant bacteria. It is fear of reactions such as Lindsay's that often keeps victims scared and silent. Hurrah for your friends for having your back! My prayers are with you – but also with the many victims who don’t have the support system you do, and who stand alone in the face of raging Lindsays and speak the terrifying truth.

• Melissa T, Jan 24 11:03pm: This one gets an A.men.

Lindsay, Jan 25 1:19pm: anonymous above, Ill take the name calling any day of the week if it means I am standing up for the INNOCENT people who will forever be scarred from this blog such as Suzanne's ex-brother-in-law's kids, so please keep them coming..
thanks -from the raging, very typical, very irrational allie of abusers!

• Anonymous, Jan 25 5:37pm: Lindsay, Let me get this right. Suzanne is the one who scarred the kids? Really? It was her choice and she allowed this action? She encouraged it? Look this is a sad, sad, situation, and it is getting more and more absurd. What is your agenda? Is it to turn Suzanne's ex-brother-in-law's children against their Aunt, or is it to comfort them at a time of great sorrow? Because it seems like the former, not the latter. I ask...what good can ever come of the former? Whereas, comforting them and encouraging openess will end up healing. Hatred is a vile thing, and only leads us to dark places. These blog posts are an attempt to heal. Healing that has not come in 25 years of silence. I ask that you look for the healing and not the hate. I imagine that his children are very strong individuals, and encouraging them not to hate is the key to their overcoming this situation in their lives.

Anonymous, Jan 25 5:20pm: Hey Lindsay, ally is spelled with a "y"....stupid.

• Lindsay, Jan 25 7:10pm: Thanks for the spelling lesson! We're really focused on the right things here.

Antoinette, Jan 25 7:45pm: Suzanne Mosley...Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope and pray you can now start your healing process. In telling your story you have shown to be by far one of the strongest most amazing women I know. I too believe you reaching out and telling your story...including to the state trooper.... is without a doubt the right thing. You are also correct in saying it should have been done 25 years ago by an adult/parent in your life. I am so sorry you had to go through this but I believe by telling your story, you will give someone else the strength and courage to do the same. My heart goes out to you...

Steve Stimson, Jan 26 10:03pm: Suzanne, I really want to thank you for posting this. Not only will it help you heal it will help alert others as to the damage behavior like your ex-brother-in-law's inflicts on their victims. I applaud your courage and do believe that it will help your children to understand that when Mom and Dad say that you need to tell the truth even if it hurts is something that you and Eric truly believe. For all the comments that attempt to lay blame on you for the pain you are causing your nieces and nephews - they didn't commit any crime. Their father did. The shame is not on them - it is on their father. Hopefully they too weren't victims of his abuse.