Something Stinks........

The smell of crap from our filled to the brim septic tank addled my brain so much I forgot to schedule a post for this morning.

Monday Morning Comment Roulette

Comment Roulette rules: Answer the previous commenter's question, and then ask one of your own.

I shall begin the game with:

How old were you when you had your first kiss, who was it with, and describe the circumstances.

Ungame Sunday

Today's Ungame question is:


What is the best advice you've ever received?


If you need to meditate or do your Downward Facing Dog before you answer this, so that you can really focus on seeing the answer in your mind, take your time...We've got all day...

Why Are There Blue Stains All Over My Robe?

Note to self:

Don't hang your fluffy white robe on the hook next to the towels. The kids will assume it's just another towel, and wipe their mouths on it after brushing their teeth.

Teaching An Old Dog New Tricks

Eric set his Dad ("Pop") up on instant messenger, so that he and Ava could chat. Pop hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet, and doesn't get online very often. Ava noticed that he was online the other day. Obviously, he had walked away before she started instant messaging him. But she just figured he was sitting there staring at the screen, watching her talk to him, with no idea of what to do next...!!

Ava to Pop: hi

it's Ava just so you know...

Type into the box below to talk

just click it and type

whatever you want to say type it ok?

the rectangle box below

do you see any words?

i guess your too far away

i wish you were closer to my house....

Apologies

And every so often Ava's soft side comes out. A couple of weeks ago I took Ava and Zach to meet Melissa and her kids at a McDonald's playland. Colson was in school at the time. When he got home that afternoon, and heard where Ava had gone, he expressed his displeasure at being excluded. The next week, I took Ava and Zach again, while Cole was at school. The next day Ava sent him this email:

(the subject was "i'm sooo sorry")

"sorry but the other day wene you were at school we went to see Sophea i'm so sorry obout that.

Your Sister Ava"

Don't Express Love If You Can't Spell It Correctly

Here's another defining email exchange between Ava and Colson:

Colson: "i love everybutty in awer family!!!"

Ava: "it's "our"".

You Better Think

I read an email exchange between Ava and Colson that is so defining of their temperaments.

Ava to Colson: "Why do you never do gmail?"

Colson to Ava: "I never think about it."

Monday Morning Comment Roulette

We're going to try something new today. It's a little game I'm going to call "Comment Roulette". Please join the experiment.

The first person to post a comment today has to answer my question. That person then has to ask a question of their own.

The following person to post a comment has to answer Commenter #1's question, and then ask one of their own.

And on and on we go.

There are no rules to the questions. They can be serious, funny, inane, political, religious, cliche, etc etc etc.

There are no rules to the answers either. They can also be serious, funny, inane, political, one-word, long-winded, you get my point. Just try to post fairly quickly, so that the game can move along.

If two people post a comment to the same question, the next commenter may choose which question to answer, or may answer both.  If the commenter before you has asked a question that you're too uninformed to answer, just choose one of the previous commenter's questions, and answer that one.

You may participate more than once, but please let at least 2 gunshots go off before you take the gun again.

Pass this post around to your friends, let them join in the fun.

I will begin the bloodshed.

For Commenter #1: Toilet paper: do you prefer to put it on the roll so that you pull sheets down over the top or out from under the bottom, and why?

Ungame Sunday

It's Ungame Sunday again folks. Remember, The Ungame, where everybody wins! Which means it's the game that teaches you absolutely nothing about life.

Meditate on today's question (more of a request than a question), and post your reply.

Share something you fear.

Tick Tock

When Eric is gone, I end up spending a lot of time reflecting on our relationship. When I woke up from my Stephen King dream the other night, I came up with some ways to explain how our marriage works.

Eric and I together are like an heirloom quality grandfather clock. I am the inner workings of the clock. Eric is the beautifully carved clock case.

I am a fine tuned machine. No matter what is going on around me, I keep on ticking without missing a second. Nothing affects me enough to take my mind off of the goal of keeping time. My greatest goal in life is function. I deal with my problems efficiently and quietly, in order to get back to my goals. I will stop ticking when I'm dead.

Without Eric, I am just a clock mechanism laying on the ground. Even though I can boast the most impressive German engineering, when exposed, I am not very attractive. I was never made to be seen in public. Laying on the ground, people walk past me and avert their eyes. I make them feel slightly awkward and uncomfortable, afraid to get too close, suspicious. I am nothing that people want to scoop up, take home and hang on their wall. I am raw mechanics. The only people who are comfortable approaching me are people like me, other clock mechanisms. But they pass by so infrequently. After all, clock mechanisms can't walk.

Eric on the other hand is the clock case. He is meant to be seen in public. He is beautifully carved, lovingly sanded and sealed. People can't help but walk up to him and admire the intricacies of the handiwork. Everyone wishes they had him in their home. People want to show him off at parties. He's something everyone wants to hand down to their children's children.

But without me inside, he's an empty case. He has no sense of purpose, he feels hollow.

Together, we're a perfect match. He provides me with acceptability. With him, people can appreciate my skills. There is a glass door between me and the world, which is probably a good thing. He's my buffer. He softens me, by giving me a place where I fit perfectly. Eric makes me beautiful. I give him purpose.



If you need another analogy, here's one for you: He's the front end, I'm the back end. I'm the Java source code, and he's the GUI. Imagine if you went to a website and only saw this:

function LCMCalculator(x, y) { // constructor function
 function checkInt(x) { // inner function
     if (x % 1 != 0)
         throw new TypeError(x + " is not an integer"); // exception throwing
     return x;
 }
 this.a = checkInt(x);
 this.b = checkInt(y);
 this.ab = this.a * this.b;

You'd close that browser window immediately. It would make no sense to you, it would make you feel annoyed and awkward. You would probably never realize that what you had just seen was the code for the coolest website in the world. That's me.

But if you went to a website and saw this (hover over the links).....you'd ooh and ahh in amazement. You'd marvel at the beauty and the creativity. You'd forward it to all your friends and they'd think you were so cool for finding it first. That's Eric.

Together, we're great.


He's form, I'm function.



I'm the notes, he's the timbre.

Want some more analogies, or do you get my point?

P.S. We also work so well together because he will realize that, from me, this is a love note.

(I wonder if Eric will agree with anything I just said.)

Threat Level: RED

Usually at night, when Eric is home, my internal alert dial gets turned down from 10 to 5. I stop making everyone take off their shoes to come through security, large bottles of shampoo are allowed, ID's are an option. When he's gone, that alert dial never moves from 10. My metal detection wand never gets turned off, nail clippers become weapons of mass destruction and are tossed, strip searches are a regular occurrence. Because of that, rest is hard to come by. Sleep at a 10 is much different than sleep that occurs when I'm dialed down to 5.

When Cole woke up this morning at 3:30 throwing up, and then again at 5:15, I realized something.

If Eric were here, I'd probably still have been awake. I either would have gotten up to help Cole, or lightly kicked Eric to get him to wake up and go help Cole. But even if I had chosen the latter, I would still have been laying here awake, listening to them, making sure Cole was okay. So his being here doesn't change the what, but it does change the how. I would have been awake at a 5, and I would have had someone to commiserate with. Even if I had to lightly kick him to make him commiserate with me. Right now I'm kicking air, and the air isn't responding the way I'd like...

I guess what I'm saying is I'd much rather be awake and irritated at 3:30am, with Eric, than awake and irritated at 3:30am alone.

Picture Pages

Ava has found a new art medium and technique that she's obsessed with. She just uses pencil, making varied length strokes, going back over and over them. Underneath each sketch I've listed what she said the drawing was.

"Eyeball"

"Owl"

"nothing"

"A trophy with something behind it"

"A roof and chimney, with leaves falling on it"

What Dreams May Come

I am interrupting my regularly scheduled post again to bring you another whacked out dream from last night.

I was on vacation with a large group of people, a group that seemed like a large group of close friends (that's when I knew it was a dream; me? having a large group of friends? and going on vacation with them??).

We were in a very remote location, at a farmhouse that was at the bottom of a deep valley. There was an extremely large pool in the backyard.

The dream turned into a nightmare when we decided to swim in the pool. After a few minutes, we realized that the water was after us. It was choosing people randomly and turning into some sort of acid and killing them. The rest of us tried to save the dying people, but couldn't. We got out of the water and somehow figured out that we had heard that the water in the area wanted revenge on humans.

We looked into the pool again, and saw little baby corpses at the bottom of the pool. Looking closer, we realized they were dolls, and someone said out loud "Oh, the people who were here last must have tricked the water by feeding it dolls to satisfy it's hunger for humans".

We were about to do the same thing, but it was too late. The water had heard us, and knew we were going to try to continue the ruse. From inside the house, I looked out the window and saw the water rising in the pool. It was rising fast, and was soon spilling over, and heading for the house.

I yelled at everyone that the water was coming for us, and we had to leave. But only a few people listened to me. A few of us ran out to a Jeep, got in and started driving up the hill. As we drove, we saw more water pouring over the cliffs into the valley, from other water sources. We knew the rest of the people at the farmhouse were going to die in the valley.

Then I woke up.

No Wonder I Like Rice

I've had this discussion a few times in the past months, figured I'd post my opinion publicly.

When thinking about temperaments, I don't think that certain cultures can claim more or less of any one temperament.  I think INTJ's are 1%'ers across the board, the same percentage in America as in Africa.  I think ESFJ's are always 12%'ers across the board, the same in Brazil as in France.

I think what throws people are differences in cultural priorities.  For instance, it would be easy to think that Asians are most often introverted, and most often abstract (N, vs. S).  I believe that is just a function of the priorities of Asian parents.  Introversion is prized much more highly than extroversion in Asian cultures.  Thinking before you speak, controlling your emotions, these are qualities that are extolled in those cultures and in Asian religions.  So Asian parents stress these virtues to their children, which tempers the extroverts.

Education is also highly valued in Asian cultures.  Ignorance is not bliss.  Asian parents push their children to do well in school.  Extreme focus is valued, hard work is valued.  Hence Asian children are very driven and do well in school.  This could be why it's easier to assume they are all abstract.  Also, introspection is prized in Asian cultures.  I think that cultures with religions that are based more on mysticism or higher knowledge are less fearful of introspection and abstract/intuitive thinking.  So while the children are the same percentage of temperaments as they are here, as a group, they are pushed towards qualities of introversion and introspection.  

Conversely, in America, extroversion is prized.  We're a nation who encourages putting it all out there, sharing your feelings with the group, standing up for yourself, shouting from the rooftops.  In America, introversion is looked upon as a negative.  A problem to be fixed.  Introverted children have something wrong with them.  They need to be "brought out of their shells".  People probably don't even know why they think introversion is bad.  It's ingrained in our culture.  

In America, sensory awareness is prized.  Intuitive knowledge is something to scoff at. If you can't see it, hear it, touch it, it ain't gonna fly around here.  Introspective folks are looked at as "artsy freaks".  Introspective people are encouraged to go to counseling.  And if you're introverted AND introspective, you're in some deep doo-doo.  I believe that's why in America especially, introspective and/or introverted people are so often hidden, having learned at an early age that they better pretend to be the inverse of their natural instincts, just to get by.

My daughter's natural qualities would be highly praised in Asia.  In America, she will always be on the outside, while the extroverted sensate girls get all the praise, and she just gets called "shy" and "strange".

There's more to come here, as I think this concept through.  This is just my first pass.

Armageddon

I have postponed today's originally scheduled post to bring you this breaking news.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning, after having a nightmare, and couldn't get back to sleep because our family hasn't decided something.

In my dream, Mom, Colson and I were at a bank when we saw a huge flaming ball of fire fall from the sky in the distance. The shockwave blew in the windows of the bank. There was no electricity afterwards, and the sun was setting. From the looks of what we had seen, we knew a good portion of the country had to have been obliterated.

We have to decide on a place to meet if there is a national or global disaster, people. I say the Valley Forge Park where we have our family picnics. When the disaster hits, get all of your nuclear family together, make your way there and wait for everyone else (if there is an everyone else..........).

Okay, I just had to get that out there. Now maybe I can go back to sleep.

Ungame Sunday

Today's Ungame question is this:

"How do you feel when someone laughs at you?"

Please post a comment with your answer.  Yes, this is serious.  It's the Ungame, people.  Show some respect.

Peace.

(Sorry, Blogger hasn't been publishing my posts at their scheduled times for the past few days, am working on fixing that problem.  My 6am posting time should resume tomorrow.)

I'm On The Hunt

Here is a video of my Dad playing RockBand for the first time.  He's on drums with Zachary.  Mom is singing, and Colson is playing guitar.  Mind you, neither Mom nor Dad have ever heard "Hungry Like The Wolf" before.  

The excitement that Dad feels cannot be contained.  Duran Duran really blows his skirt up.

A Hot Mess

I'm going to ramble for a moment about the North Carolina ruling from yesterday, regarding homeschooling. I apologize that my thoughts aren't very organized, I wrote this in a hurry.

Oh how easy it must be as parents to take your arguments to the courts. Eric and I have had many heated discussions over our kids' education. They're not fun. But it's what you do when you have children together. You lock yourselves into a room and you don't come out until you've reached a decision, or someone is dead. That's what you sign up for when you sow and/or receive Irish Cream. You don't get to go whining to the court system. You do the hard work, and once you've done that hard work, your marriage moves up to the next level of maturity.

Now I realize this case is more than homeschooling. It's a divorce and custody proceeding, in which the husband has committed adultery. I'm sure the proceedings are ugly. And I'm sure that has a lot more to do with how this situation is playing out than if it were purely a matter of education.

The courts in this country have no right to decide upon an educational path for children. Period.

But I do have one complaint. Homeschoolers, like Pro-Life advocates, too often shoot themselves in the foot by bringing religion into the argument way too soon and way too often. There are plenty of valid scientific reasons to support life beginning at conception, and there are hundreds of excellent reasons to homeschool that don't involve religious beliefs. You turn people off to both causes when you spout religious cliches as your defense.

I'm not saying that religious beliefs aren't valid. I'm saying that they don't get you very far. You have to know your audience, especially if you're put in a public situation. Educate yourself, so that when needed, you are able to defend yourself in any situation with eloquence, conviction and grace.

I am a Christian woman who homeschools. But I don't homeschool for religious reasons. I homeschool because the public school system in this country is absolutely worthless and I can provide my children with a private school quality education at a much lower cost.

And I'm very proud of the battle scars that Eric and I have, and will continue to accrue, over the education of our kids. They prove that we have accepted the responsibility that comes with parenting, and that we don't need the government to decide things for us.

Don't let the government deny you of accumulating battle scars. Otherwise your lily white unmarked skin will mark you as the yellow-bellied wimp that you are.

When Did They Change The Driving Age To 7?

This is a follow up to Tuesday's post about the Irish Cream guys.

That same night, on the way home I had to stop at Walmart for a few things. On my way out, there were three souped up pickup trucks in the parking lot. The drivers were trying to race to a stop sign faster and louder than any of the others. They were revving their engines and playing chicken.

Guys, let me tell you what we women see when we see that.

We see a group of 7 year old boys standing in a circle with their pants down, fighting with each other about who has the biggest whacker. With each rev of your stupid engine, we hear "No way! Mine's bigger!". With each blare of your horns, we hear, "Oh yeah?? Well mine can shoot pee farther!!". And with each screech of the tires we hear, "You're rubber and I'm glue!".

It's kind of cute when 7 year old kids do it. It's vomit producing in grown men.

Just remember one simple rule, it doesn't matter how big your whacker is if every female you get within 10 feet of shrivels up like the Wicked Witch of the East's legs under Dorothy's displaced house.




It wouldn't surprise me if the guys got out of their trucks wearing tee-shirts spouting some sort of "gear shift" reference.

(You can thank Melissa for the term "whacker".)

He's Dancin'!

Cole's first dance steps. You say retarded, I say expressive.

Our Irish Eyes Are Rolling

So, I went out to dinner on Saturday night with a few of my nieces, Bethany, Brooke and Brianne. While we were walking out, two guys walked past us into the bar. They were your average Joe Schmoes, slightly obese, late 20-something, sweaty, blue collar guys. Both of them had on green t-shirts, that had FREE IRISH CREAM written on them, with arrows pointing down to their crotches.

Ok. Here's the deal. When you wear a shirt like that, you're, as my mother would say, "showing your tail". Or as I would say, "showing your ignorant ass".

Wearing a shirt like that makes no sense, guys. Let me break it down for you.

The message written on the shirt is obviously meant for women. I'm pretty sure you're not looking to attract men to partake of your Irish Cream, right? So given that your demographic is women, you're only showing your ignorance. Even the least experienced man knows that women are attracted to subtle displays of romance. Casual but sexy glances across a crowded room, "accidental" hand brushes as you walk past, roses mysteriously ending up on your table, you get the point. Blatant references to graphic sexual acts do not fit into that list.

Also, by making your opener an Irish Cream reference, you're bringing up what is, to a woman, one of the least pleasant parts of the event that you're hoping will occur. It's like trying to talk a woman into having a baby by talking about episiotomies and hemorrhoids, instead of the first joy of looking into your new baby's eyes. Know your audience, people.

To take it a step further, showing your ignorance in the laws of female attraction isn't giving us a great deal of faith in how things would go if we did decide to partake of said Irish Cream. If you don't even understand how to attract us, how are we to have any confidence that you'd know what to do once you've gotten us? It's like wearing your resume plastered to your chest, and under "education and experience with women's body parts", in boldface caps, it says NONE AT ALL.

Wow. Sign me up.


As for now guys, I think you're going to suffer from an excess of Irish Cream. Free ain't cheap enough. You couldn't pay us enough to take it off your hands. Because that's the only place it's going to end up. Might I suggest Kleenex.


;o)

Young Nietzsche

A conversation between Bethany and Ava the other day:



Ava: Did you see all the snow the other day???!!! 6 inches

Beth: Yes...I went snowboarding on a mountain in Vermont. It was fun. Did you go sledding?

Ava: Yes. I bilt a snowman.

Beth: Fun!

Ava: Little snowman. The siz of Zach.

Beth: Hahaha...I hope you took pictures.

Ava: I didn't, couse I don't have a camera.

Beth: Ohhh

Ava: Now the snowman is dead.

Beth: Melted?

Ava: Melt is dead. When things melt its like dieing *ixeped they don't die they melt.

Beth: Oh ok.

Ava: So my snowman is dead.


Bethany instant messaged me and shared this conversation. I said, "Melt is dead. Is that going to be your new life quote?".

She said "Yes, I hope I don't blurt it out when I'm drinking late at night alone at a bar, staring at my ice cubes at the bottom of my drink....Melt is dead."


Then she said, "I think it's time to teach Ava the principle of conservation of matter".



*except

Ungame Sunday

Do you remember The Ungame? No, of course you don't, because your family wasn't cool like mine. The Ungame was this fabulous 70's board game that focused on self-reflection and self-expression.

I will now start making you people work for me. Sundays are going to be Ungame day. Please answer the following question, taking time to really reflect on the answer and express yourself as best as you can. If it helps, take a hit off your bong and play The Doors softly in the background.



If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be and why?

Aquaphor

If you have extremely dry skin, you should have Aquaphor on hand at all times. It's an ointment that is 41% petroleum jelly, and for intense moisturizing, you won't find anything better. I apply this to my hands and feet before bed, after taking a bath or shower, and cover all 4 appendages with socks. Being nearly half petroleum jelly, it's not a daytime cream, and you do need to cover any area that you use it on. But you'll wake up with baby butt skin. I've even used it at night on dry patches of my face.



It's great for eczema too, which all 3 of my children have or have had in extreme form. Because it is fragrance free and dye free, it won't burn. Using a wet approach, soak the eczema in a bath, and use Aquaphor after getting out. (Make sure you don't rub the areas of eczema with the towel, as that will irritate it further, just press the towel gently on the area). If you commit to this method, you can keep the eczema under control during the worst months. It would be great for diaper rash as well.

If you have sensitive skin, check out the whole range of Eucerin products.

All By Myself

My favorite thing in the entire world is being in my own house all alone. It very rarely happens, I could probably count on one hand the number of times it's occurred in the past 5 years, but when it does I cherish that gift like a priceless jewel.

COOKIE!!!!!!!!!

Melissa told me the other night that when she was a child she used to imagine that what was in the garbage disposal was a Cookie Monster-esque creature, laying down on his back with his mouth under the disposal to catch all the food, and then eating it in that Cookie Monster way, with the crumbs flying out of his mouth in all directions.

She did a demonstration for me that, like so many other moments, I will forever regret not getting on video. "Nom nom nom nom nom (food flying everywhere) nom nom nom nom nom!!!"


If you ever get the chance to meet her, make sure you request the Cookie Monster garbage disposal demonstration. You won't be disappointed.

Up With God!

This was drawn on the back of one of Colson's math papers that he brought home from school last week.




"Hooray God! I Love You!
Hey God, this is Colson. do you love everyone? Because I love you!"



Go me for finding that song, too.

Words Are Fun

(You have to read this post as if you were hearing someone saying it, instead of seeing the spelling of the words.)


Eric: I feel so much better after taking a shower. I disgust myself. And by disgust, I don't mean I was having a conversation with myself about myself, I mean that I thought I was really smelly.



Eh, maybe it's not as funny written out. But I laughed for 5 minutes at the time.

Wedding Bells

Congratulations to Brianne and Joe! They're getting married today, and I couldn't be any happier for her. They're a great match. Here's to a lifetime of learning together, laughing together, maturing together, hurting together, and making more cute babies together!!






She's come a long way, baby...!

To Be Or Not To Be

More Bethany in the paper, she's the one on the far right. Homeschooler Shakespeare play.