Threat Level: RED

Usually at night, when Eric is home, my internal alert dial gets turned down from 10 to 5. I stop making everyone take off their shoes to come through security, large bottles of shampoo are allowed, ID's are an option. When he's gone, that alert dial never moves from 10. My metal detection wand never gets turned off, nail clippers become weapons of mass destruction and are tossed, strip searches are a regular occurrence. Because of that, rest is hard to come by. Sleep at a 10 is much different than sleep that occurs when I'm dialed down to 5.

When Cole woke up this morning at 3:30 throwing up, and then again at 5:15, I realized something.

If Eric were here, I'd probably still have been awake. I either would have gotten up to help Cole, or lightly kicked Eric to get him to wake up and go help Cole. But even if I had chosen the latter, I would still have been laying here awake, listening to them, making sure Cole was okay. So his being here doesn't change the what, but it does change the how. I would have been awake at a 5, and I would have had someone to commiserate with. Even if I had to lightly kick him to make him commiserate with me. Right now I'm kicking air, and the air isn't responding the way I'd like...

I guess what I'm saying is I'd much rather be awake and irritated at 3:30am, with Eric, than awake and irritated at 3:30am alone.