If You Put An A In Definitely, You're Definitely An A-Hole

My brother Eric tweeted this yesterday, and I got a little weepy while reading it. I very rarely experience the feeling of jealousy, but something like this will bring on a twinge. This is absolute genius to me, and I wish I could be this smart and funny.

"Every time you spell weird "wierd", a dophin gets run over by a ski jet"

I'm getting this chart for each of my nieces and nephews for their birthdays.

Miserable Excuse For A Human Being

I have so many delicious ideas to use on this man. I guess it's a good thing I didn't become a judge.

I'd probably start with showing him that I was his number one fan....

Using Your Brain

Eric was watching TV last night. Zachary, after having a very whiny day, had gone up to put his pajamas on. When he was finished, he came back down to see Eric.

He walked up to Eric and said, "Dad, I'm weally sorry for fussing so much before".

Eric says, "Aww, that's sweet Zach, did Mommy tell you to say that".

Zach says, "No, my bwain told me to say it".

Monday Mornings With Zachary's First Guest Star

Today, Zachary steps aside to let my fairy goddaughter, Miss Sophia Audrey Gina Tabasso, have her first moment in the internet spotlight.



I keep rewinding to the part where she says "rhiiiiiiiine-bow!". Fantastical...

Ava's Fashions

At first glance you might say, "wow, a pink velour track suit, big whoop". But look closer people. A PEPLUM! Yes, it's a fushia velour track suit with a wide fitted waist and a peplum. Now that's something you don't find every day.

Super Babies

My kids' dress-up hobby started at a very early age.

Merry Christmas

From the Mosley kids to you, a holiday sing-a-long:

Just A Normal Teenager

Doesn't every 15 year old girl leave a note like this for her father?

My Dad kept this note, and has it taped up by his desk in his basement. (For those not in the know, my Dad would go picketing every Saturday morning, and this note was me asking if I could go with him.)


('Cause you know, my Dad wouldn't have known which Suzanne left that note, so I had to clarify by putting "Lewis" after it.)

Time To Watch Uncle Andrew Do A Picture Page With You

For the past few months, my brother Andrew has been making these worksheets for my kids to print out at home. I've posted some of my favorite ones. Print them out for your kids too!









If you don't get the reference in today's blog title, maybe this will jog your memory:

Shot Through The Heart, And You're To Blame

My dance partner Richard received an email containing the following photos and poem:

Every Year Christmas Comes and Santa brings us gifts

But God provides the energy for him to give to all that’s on his list
God provides the snow and he gave us the sky
So thank him, because without him where would Santa fly?
God watches us day and night 365 days a year
And then he tells Santa who’s been a good or bad reindeer
So don’t believe that Santa does everything on his own
Because since God and him are friends
Santa never works alone

And we Christians wonder why the world is always laughing at us. Christians give Christianity a bad name.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

More Christmas lists.......

And, Lordy, That Hair..........

Today Ava's Fashions steps aside to celebrate the birth of my firstborn, Colson. No other child in the world has his combination of dreamy good looks, barrels of talent and creativity, and masterful skills of persuasion. One can only imagine what this combination will lead to in his future....

A Mixologist In The Industry

Tonight is our annual Christmas cocktail party. My sister Amy, a professional bartender, mixes the drinks, and they are always fantastical. I'm not a drinker, in fact I'm famous for ordering drinks and taking maybe 3 sips before I can't drink any more. But Amy's drinks are so smooth that not only can I finish one, but I can drink a second.

This year we're having key lime martinis with graham cracker rims.

Hold Your Wheelchairs

I wish to explain my feelings about handicapped bathroom stalls and dressing rooms.

When I was pregnant with Zachary, I used to go out shopping with Cole and Ava. As I've mentioned before, they would be in the huge double stroller, which was not easy to maneuver in stores. It was even harder to maneuver when I was 5 months pregnant and 50 pounds heavier.

There was one day when I was in an Old Navy. I wanted to try some things on, so I strolled the mammoth stroller to the dressing rooms, with clothes draped over my arms. I got my number, and headed towards the handicapped dressing room, which was the only one large enough to fit my stroller and my body at the same time.

The dressing room attendant stopped me. "You can't go in there, that's for handicapped people".

I said, "But it's empty right now, and I need a big room, I can't leave my kids alone out here in the hallway".

To which she replied, "But what if a handicapped person comes in when you're in there?"

"As far as I know, there is no disease or handicap that gets worse if you're forced to wait 10 minutes for a dressing room. The handicap dressing room is not there so that a handicapped person can IMMEDIATELY use it. It's there so that they CAN use it when available. Handicapped people can wait just as well as I can. And looking at me, wouldn't you say I was pretty darned handicapped right about now?"

She failed to follow my logic, probably because she flunked out of school in the 4th grade, and said she was sorry but I couldn't go in there. So I asked her to please hold out her arms, I filled her arms with my clothing items and walked out of the store.

Folks, those large bathroom stalls and dressing rooms are handicap ACCESSIBLE. Which doesn't mean that they are non-handicap inaccessible. You and I are just as able to use those rooms. Handicapped people don't die from holding their urine, any more than you or I do. They don't die if they have to be patient, anymore than you or I do.

And while parking in a handicapped spot is against the law, peeing in a handicapped stall is not.

As much as I'd like to say that lack of patience is a handicap, I don't think the PA Dept. of Transportation would issue me a sticker for it.

Fire Grilled Flavor!

My sister Amy and I started working at Chili's in King of Prussia, PA together when I was 21 (Melissa worked there as well, starting not long after we did). Amy then opened the Chili's in Downingtown, PA, and I worked at Chili's in Nashville and in Washington, DC. That started a chain reaction in the family, where almost every one of my nieces and nephews did a stint at a Chili's somewhere.

When I first moved to Nashville, I immediately got a job at a local Chili's there. One morning, after I'd been working there for about 4-5 months, I drove to work and the building was on fire. Some of my co-workers were there, and we stood around and watched the restaurant burn. I drove by again the next day and took these pictures.


We were all able to transfer to other Chili's in the area, there were two more within 15 minutes of this location.

You Only Prod The Ones You Love

A recent email exchange between Eric and I:

Me: sarah (our babysitter) will be here tonight. what time should i tell her you'll be home? any chance you'll come home earlier tonight?

Eric: Maybe. Ask me later in the day

Me: If you could be home at 6:15, I wouldn't need her at all.....

Eric: Anything is possible at 8:55AM. Might be impossible by noon though

Me: but you can make the impossible possible...that's what you do!

Eric: When did you start reading & believing my marketing material?!?

Me: i only believed it for about 5 minutes, but i had to read it enough to know what to throw back into your face when convenient.

Jesus, Peanuts Style

A couple years ago, my brother Andrew sent me a gift for Colson. It was a Bible. Not just any Bible, but the most precious Bible of all. This Bible was so precious that I have never given it to Colson, knowing he would have just ruined it. I've kept this Bible in a special safe place all these years. It is far too special to put on display and write the dates of family births and deaths in...

To this day, I still have a hard time giving it to Colson. But I've decided the time has come; that Colson is ready for it, ready to understand the value and importance of this Bible. So maybe this Christmas I'll give him Andrew's gift, 3 years later.



What?? You don't know about The Picture Bible??? Do you live under a rock? It's only the greatest translation of the Bible ever written (or drawn, I guess). It's the entire Bible in comic strip form. I believe the individual stories were originally single tracts, and this Bible is all of the tracts put together. King James ain't got nothin' on this bad boy...


It's the only Bible Andrew's ever read, and he wanted to bequeath it to Colson. I only hope Colson will respect it in the way it deserves.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zach shows you his christmas tree. The video is cut short by Gramma and Poppa coming in...

Ava's Fashions

What a sweet little outfit. White capri length leggings and a pink paisley tunic length a-line top. With hair parted down the middle, she looks like she stepped right out of the 60s, one of my favorite eras for fashion. The perfect blend of the exiting of the prim, proper and slightly prudish 50s mixed with just a touch of the coming free spirited, slutty and sloppy 70s.

You Could Bite The Dust

This is what pictures in our basement used to look like before Eric put an air purifier down there.

I'm 103% Sure That This Is Over

I know you've been on pins and needles all night, waiting to hear what "Koach" has to say today. I will end your agony. Or more accurately, prolong it by letting you read this letter.




Hello Suzanne,
Thanks for writing! How is your health? How are you and Jesus getting along? How is school? I am doing very well. Putting the finishing touches on my book. Praying for good and warmer weather!

I believe humor is very important. "Laughter is good medicine for the soul" the good news says. I like to laugh alot! I enjoy being with and talking to people who are genuine and have a zest for life. Like those who are enthused about God and His holy word!

I enjoy studying God's word. I enjoy learning more about Jesus by praying, singing, dancing, and fellowshiping with Jesus. I want to do like Jesus did - pray for the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons and have love and compassion for people! I believe and live knowing that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever!

I believe that a friend and/or a relationship is more important than filling out a job application. One of the ways to become friends and build a relationship is to ask a lot of questions. "Ask and you shall receive".

I would like to answer some of your questions. I don't like abortion or believe in it. All human life is precious inside and outside the mother's womb. After all we are made in God's image! I feel sorry, dispair, grief, grief, disappointment, and empty when I think about the 20 million babies being aborted. That is murder!

I had a great family life growing up! Two great parents, 3 lovely sisters, and 3 great brothers! I enjoy and love my family. I love big families and look forward to having my own!

I love gospel music the best! Gospel music that moves or gospel that is nice to listen to when you are with someone you care about! I listen to gospel music 97% of the time. I watch for lyrics in those songs.

One of most daily challenges is dealing with people and how often they change their minds! I am glad I continue to look to God to supply all my needs!

I like women who speak from their heart and can use their emotions in a positive, exciting, and Godly way! I like women who enjoy spending time with Jesus (1, 2, 3 hours per day) and keeping their temples healthy and strong. A strong temple can better serve the Lord and can live the abundant life that is written about in the Gospel.

I always tell people I am in training for heaven where there is know sunset and know dawning. You can eat and sleep if you want but you do not have to. Having God's will on earth as it is in Heaven - our model prayer.

Suzanne, you sound like a person who is very happy with life! Praise God! Your finishing high school in 3 years and working a 2am shift is quite an achievement. I believe that a solid foundation is a terrific beginning for a healthy, successful, enthusiastic, and fulfilling life!

Suzanne, I would like to ask you some more questions. Could you answer the rest of the questions from the last letter? When is your Easter vacation? When is school out? Have you ever been to Pittsburgh? How important is age in a relationship? Do you like H2O parks, swimming, and Christian concerts?

That is all for now. Have an enjoyable day! I will be praying for you! I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
"Koach"



Oh, so many things to discuss. I had a hard time with the fact that he loved to dance with Jesus. I mean, I loved to dance too, but I had no experience with dancing with people who didn't have a physical body, so we would have been very incompatible on the dance floor. I was also disturbed to find out that he wanted to cast out demons and raise the dead. I mean, it's good to have goals and all, but.................

I didn't have the heart to tell him that I really didn't think the good news said anything about laughter being good medicine for the soul, that that phrase was probably coined by Hallmark.

I find it funny that I asked him about his feelings on abortion, and what his favorite music was. I gave him a LOT of rope, apparently I was excited about the hanging I knew I'd see in letter #2...sadistic....

I was impressed that he knew that he listened to gospel music 97% of the time. Not 95%, mind you. 97%. I would have liked to see the pie chart he made to figure out that statistic.

And obviously he wouldn't have approved of the fact that I didn't keep a log of my daily time spent with Jesus. If our relationship had continued, I would have had to ask if his 1, 2 or 3 hours per day time requirement was flexible, because I'd be needing to spend that amount of time per day in the gym, working on my temple. Because while I thought my temple was amazingly hot back then, I had a feeling that "Koach" had higher standards about temples than I did. "Koach" would have expected my temple to be able to do 100 pushups, while I was just happy my temple looked cute in a bikini. You can't have a girl with a perfect strong temple AND her nose in a book for 3 hours a day, "Koach". Something's gotta give.

So when I realized our relationship would consist of H2O parks, gospel music, health prayers, playing sports to strengthen our temples, and LOTS of exclamation points , I had to politely excuse myself from the man known as "Koach". I don't remember exactly how I ended it, probably just by not writing back.

I should have sent him a breakup prayer. Hindsight.........

Thanks for the laughs.

Love Letter?

Today you get part 1 of a short but entertaining dating interest from college days. I was on staff with the youth group at church, and the youth pastor (who was a complete idiot, don't know why I ever even entertained him) told me about this guy he knew, who he thought would be perfect for me. The guy lived in Pittsburgh and was quite a bit older than me, but I was always up for the entertainment of a set-up. The guy was advertised as a Christian, an athlete, and in the process of writing a book of some sort. Well, that was stating the reality VERY mildly...I give you letter number one, which as I recall, was sent after a brief first phone call.



Hello Suzanne Noel,

How are you today? I pray you are feeling and faithing 100% better today! It was nice to talk with you last night. I have a bunch more questions to ask you so here I go. What was the biggest spiritual, physical, and mental challenge you ever accomplished? What is the thing or things you are most happy about with your life? What inspires you the most? What is the area you would like to improve? How is your health? Do you get sick much? Are you a spender or saver? What do you like most about your physical body? How tall are you? Weight? Hair color? Eye color? Do you like to tan? Would you exercise, play, and learn sports if you had a coach? That's all for now I want to mail this now.

I have enclosed a flyer on my book. Could you make sure the youths and parents know about my book. Thank you. I sent the health prayer. I pray this daily. It really works! Stay healthy and stay happy. Look forward to our next talk or letter.

Sincerely,
"Koach"



Okay. Needless to say I wasn't trembling with desire after reading this. If I could have gotten past dating someone who called himself a nickname that had to be written in quotes, the health prayer would have been the brick wall that I would have slammed into. And if I could have gotten past the fact that he used my middle name but spelled it wrong, I would never have been able to overlook the fact that he thought it was okay to add an -ing to the word faith and use it as a verb.

My instinct was to write back and tell him my health was great, if you didn't count the gonorrhea, that my favorite part of my physical body was my third nipple, and that I would never learn to play sports, whether I had a coach or a "Koach", but I didn't. I decided to continue the charade, to see what in the devil he'd say in letter #2....which you lucky people will get to read tomorrow!

Bringing People Together One URL At A Time

It's only fitting that I wish my husband a happy birthday using the medium that brought us together, namely the internet. I will forever owe the world wide web for creating an environment in which I could find someone, sorted by zip code, age, height and relationship status, as unique as I.

Happy Birthday, darling.



...I guess it's really Al Gore I should be thanking.........

Country Lyrics I Love

"If you're going through Hell, keep on going.
Don't slow down, if you're scared don't show it.
You might get out 'fore the Devil even knows you're there."

Action!

No Zach video today, we forgot. Instead, check out Cole and Ava in the opening scene of their play, the night of the dress rehearsal.

Ava's Fashions

Ava's best friend's horse birthday party a few years back...Ava wore a pair of embellished skinny jeans and a yellow faux mohair hooded tunic sweater. The flat brown riding boots made a second appearance, and were especially fitting for this event. Granted she was too scared to ride the pony, but at least she was dressed for it.

Scary Cartoon Characters

Zach was my only child who wasn't completely petrified of giant cartoon characters. He was cautious, but not petrified.



Unlike Cole and Ava, who were freaked out by Chip and Dale at Disney. Ava was so freaked she wouldn't even let Eric carry her near them.

Although, looking at this picture, lifesize chipmunks are pretty freaky. They look like they'd just as soon kidnap you as tickle your belly....

The Commish and Bonnie

BONNIE JOHNSON: GM OF THE WEEK (12)
... First Time GMoW for Bonnie Johnson - Garth's HellBandits Shocked RoopDogs In Upset Of The Decade - Dolphins, Smytherines, Sauteed Mules, Haulers Ready For Action After First Round Bye ...
(WED 12-2)

GM OF THE WEEK: The Delaware Destroyers made the most of it, with the league's four top teams out of action, the chase for the weekly trophies was wide open (as only starters are eligible for weekly trophies). The Destroyers not only won a few trophies, they won the most ever for a week's performance. They won QB of the Week, RB of the Week (TIE w/ SpecialEd), K of the Week, and Team HighScore of the Week. A clear GM of the Week performance by far ... though everyone in the country was hoping Garth Lewis would get the nod with his unbelievable win in round one of the post-season tournament, but none of his players came close to sitting atop their respective leader boards.


DOGGPOUNDERS FACE CONSOLATION - Turns out SpecialEd didn't even need to break a sweat last week, as the Pounders blundered their way through the first round without the benefit of a starting QuarterBack. Faced with two QBs with questionable status, they could have signed TEN Vince Young (23pts) or BUF Ryan Fitzpatrick (22pts) and fielded a competitive squad ... but their personnel manager decided to risk the post-season on ARI Curt Warner (sat out) and ATL Matt Ryan (sat out). Young would have made the game a 111-110 thriller - with Fitzie a 111-109 nail-biter - still both losses - but would have made for better copy here. Farewell Pounders - ah, you still get to enjoy the Consolation Bracket - but those games don't even get a live broadcast - they're tape-delayed on the Versus network.

............... POST-SEASON TOURNAMENT ...............
No More Easy Matchups - It Is All Blood, Sweat, And Tears Now

PLAYOFF & CONSOLATION BRACKETS:
http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/h2hplayoffs?leagueId=522844
Don't think your season is OVER if you've lost in the post-season - there is a Consolation Bracket to determine final rankings. This is important as it will determine ranking for the 2010 Philadelphia Challenge Season.

We went with a tournament post-season this year because we had so many new people to the world of Fantasy Football ... next season we will have divisions/conferences based on W/L records from this season - and have a regular playoff bracket, too.

So play until the final week!


=====================================
LET THE BRACKET WAR COMMENCE:
Bracket I
-------------------------------------
#8 Delaware Destroyers (5-6) at #1 Mosley Dolphins (8-3): Don't even begin to think this will be a walk in the park for the number one ranked Dolphins. The Destroyers are on the league's hottest streak, winners of six of their last seven games. Sure it was mostly against lower-tiered teams, but they start this streak by defeating the league's number two ranked team, the Smytherines, 130-97, back in week 6. Oh, and they're coming off a week where they won just about every trophy available including Team HighScore (141pts) so they're clearly ready for a fight.
REGULAR SEASON RESULT: Dolphins, 123-103 wk2
WINNER PLAYS: #5 SpecialEd / #4 SauteedMules winner

#5 SpecialEd (6-5) at #4 Sauteed Mules (7-4): This game will undoubtedly be the week's highest scoring affair - as both teams have averaged well above the 100pt plateau. Neither team has any weak points and its going to be a tough Saturday nite for both GMs - deciding who will start and who will be on the bench.
REGULAR SEASON RESULT: Sauteed Mules, 109-94 wk8
WINNER PLAYS: #8 Destroyers / #1 Dolphins winner


Bracket II
-------------------------------------
#11 Hell Bandits (2-9) at #3 Hamilton Haulers (8-3): No one thought this game would ever happen - including both GMs of the Bandits and the Haulers. The Haulers better not overlook the upstart HellBandits, else they might meet the same fate the RoopDogs did last week. The Bandits have started the same squad since week one back in September - preferring a consistent approach of sticking with your best guys instead of playing to the matchups week to week - who can doubt their wisdom? They're playing in the second round of the tournament when four other teams are fighting for Consolation rights.
REGULAR SEASON RESULT: Haulers, 123-101 wk10
WINNER PLAYS: #7 Monsters / #2 Smytherines winner

#7 Manassas Monsters (6-5) at #2 Manassas, Va Smytherines (8-3): These two teams haven't played one another since week one of the regular season - a 75-68 low scoring affair, won by the Smytherines. The Monsters are on a three game win streak while the Smytherines are still nursing their wounds from losing to the HellBandits back in week ten of the regular season.
REGULAR SEASON RESULT: Smytherines, 75-68 wk1
WINNER PLAYS: #11 HellBandits / #3 Haulers wioner

========================================

CONSOLATION BRACKET
-------------------------------------
#9 Golden Knights (4-7) at #6 RoopDogs (6-5)

#12 DoggPounders (2-9) at #10 Little Rupple (4-7)

The Commish Has An Announcement

EXPANSION 2010: BETHANY ANNOUNCES NEW TEAM!
... Longtime Lewis Family Member Announces Creation Of Philadelphia Challenge Expansion Team For 2010 ...
(FRI 11-27)

BETHANY GATES: "We are pleased to inform you that we've launched our plan for a new franchise for the 2010 season of the Philadelphia Challenge," said a BGL spokesperson at a pre-brunch press gathering. The franchise was long rumored to be in production and press leaks were becoming more frequent in the run-up to the annual Thanksgiving gatherings of GMs around the nation.
=================================================

It's Raining Bears, Hallelujah!

Wickedly cool video. Not because of the subject matter, I couldn't care less if polar bears become extinct, it's called evolution and survival of the fittest if you're an atheist and the sovereignty of God if you're a Christian, but because it's the coolest idea with the most amazing execution. Enjoy.

CREEPIEST PICTURE EVER!!!!!!!

What's wrong with this picture? How long did it take you to figure it out? Are you as creeped out as I am??!?!

My brother Andrew made this the other day, for my kids. Cole's head is on Eric's body, Eric's head is on Zach's body, Ava's and my head are reversed, and Zach is on Colson's body.

The baby Eric looks like something from an M. Night Shamalayan movie or something. I want to grab a knife and stab it to death before it rips me limb from limb...

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zach talks about his trip to spend the night at Uncle Andrew and Aunt Kathy's house.

Ava's Fashions

Heavens, this is cute. Cream fine wale skinny cords. A faux layered shirt (a style trend that Melissa hates. not the layered look mind you, the FAUX layered look). And pink suede boots with white fur around the top. Blown out hair with an extreme side part, pulled back to one side with a pink grosgrain bow...delicious.