Love Letter?

Today you get part 1 of a short but entertaining dating interest from college days. I was on staff with the youth group at church, and the youth pastor (who was a complete idiot, don't know why I ever even entertained him) told me about this guy he knew, who he thought would be perfect for me. The guy lived in Pittsburgh and was quite a bit older than me, but I was always up for the entertainment of a set-up. The guy was advertised as a Christian, an athlete, and in the process of writing a book of some sort. Well, that was stating the reality VERY mildly...I give you letter number one, which as I recall, was sent after a brief first phone call.



Hello Suzanne Noel,

How are you today? I pray you are feeling and faithing 100% better today! It was nice to talk with you last night. I have a bunch more questions to ask you so here I go. What was the biggest spiritual, physical, and mental challenge you ever accomplished? What is the thing or things you are most happy about with your life? What inspires you the most? What is the area you would like to improve? How is your health? Do you get sick much? Are you a spender or saver? What do you like most about your physical body? How tall are you? Weight? Hair color? Eye color? Do you like to tan? Would you exercise, play, and learn sports if you had a coach? That's all for now I want to mail this now.

I have enclosed a flyer on my book. Could you make sure the youths and parents know about my book. Thank you. I sent the health prayer. I pray this daily. It really works! Stay healthy and stay happy. Look forward to our next talk or letter.

Sincerely,
"Koach"



Okay. Needless to say I wasn't trembling with desire after reading this. If I could have gotten past dating someone who called himself a nickname that had to be written in quotes, the health prayer would have been the brick wall that I would have slammed into. And if I could have gotten past the fact that he used my middle name but spelled it wrong, I would never have been able to overlook the fact that he thought it was okay to add an -ing to the word faith and use it as a verb.

My instinct was to write back and tell him my health was great, if you didn't count the gonorrhea, that my favorite part of my physical body was my third nipple, and that I would never learn to play sports, whether I had a coach or a "Koach", but I didn't. I decided to continue the charade, to see what in the devil he'd say in letter #2....which you lucky people will get to read tomorrow!