When You Wish Upon A Driveway...

Ava's wish, expressed in chalk on the driveway...

I Don't Believe You're Tempting Me

Here's one to do my old man's heart good....

It always amazes me at how quickly Ava understands big concepts. My kids attended a VBS this week at a Presbyterian church near us. When I picked them up on Wednesday, the kids were talking about what Bible story they had learned that day. They had learned about Jesus being tempted by Satan in the wilderness. Colson was telling the story, and this was how it ended:

Colson: So Jesus didn't do it, because He didn't believe in Satan.

Ava: No, not because He didn't believe in Satan, it was because because He didn't worship Satan.

Colson: No, it was because He didn't believe in him.

Ava: Of course He believed in him, He could SEE him!! He didn't do it because he didn't WORSHIP Satan.

And then Zach yells out, "Well, I got an award because when we were playing in the sandbox, I did the best job of acting out how Jesus would feel if he jumped off a high building!"

I love it.

My Posse

Lemington, my costume designer and friend, shows us the move he feels should be in every country dance routine. When he hears a country song, this is the way he feels like moving his body.




Lee and I got caught in a torrential downpour walking back to the car at 1am on Sunday morning. Drowned rats...

An Invitation You Don't Want To Receive

Zachary's 5th birthday is coming up. The other day I asked him what kind of party he wanted to have...a bowling party, a golfing party, cowboy party, etc...

He thought for a minute:

Zach: I want to have a 400 Dollar party.

Me: What? What's a 400 Dollar party?

Zach: Everyone who is invited has to bring 400 dollars. And when the party is over, as they leave they have to give their 400 dollars to me.

I have no words.

He Gets Me

Driving in the car the other day:

Cole: Raise your hand if you're a boy!

(Cole, Zach and Eric raise their hands)

Cole: Raise your hand if you're a girl!

(Ava raises her hand)

Cole: Wow, Mom didn't raise her hand. I guess she's a robot.

It's nice being understood.

Ava's Fashions

Oh, Ava's "perfect summer sky" blue coat and scarf. Her best color of all time. If her entire wardrobe was sky blue no one would ever complain...

Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah, so.............

Eric was watching Office Space last night. I adore that movie and could watch it every day. Here are a couple of funny clips. (I mean, who among us doesn't remember working in an office in the 90's and seeing that damned PC Load Letter error message on our printers??!?!?!)




After coming up with a diabolical plan to take down their company, the guys celebrate by taking the printer down. I can never help but laugh at these techie geeks beating up a printer to "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta"...

Diminishing Me

Eric and I had to drive his truck to the service station yesterday morning. Before we left, he pulled my van out of the garage for me to check something I'd asked him to look at. Once he was finished, he got out and handed me my key, and then went to get into his truck so I could follow him to the auto shop.

When I got into my van and inserted the key, it wouldn't turn at all. I tried a few times, and it still wouldn't move. So I waved and yelled to Eric in his truck to wait a second, that I had a problem. He got out of his truck and walked back up to the van. I told him I couldn't turn the key at all. He rolled his eyes and asked me to get out, got in, jiggled the wheel a bit, turned the key and the car started.

With more eye rolling, Eric got back in his truck and we headed out. After he dropped off his truck and got back in the van, this little exchange took place.

Eric: So, I figured out why the key wouldn't turn for you. There must be a pressure sensor in the seat, and because you've lost so much weight it didn't even register that someone had sat down at all! (...pregnant pause...) No, I'm just kidding, there's no pressure sensor in the seat for knowing when to start the car, the pressure sensors only relate to the airbags. But I thought of that driving over here and thought it would be a cute compliment since you have lost so much weight! (This is one of Eric's quirks, everything he says has to be explained after he's said it)

Me: Ah....so that explains why the car started immediately once you sat down...

Eric: Yeah, the sensors were all, "HOLY CRAP! Start quickly, there's two people driving this thing!!!"

That started our fun car day yesterday. Make sure you ask Eric about his almost altercation with a US Marine with extreme road rage! A female pedestrian came within inches of losing her life. And Eric decided it's time to get a gun......

But whatever, I'm skinny. Let's focus on that.

Things We Don't Like

Zachary made this sculpture on the deck at the cabin in North Carolina. He said it was a hotel, with a ghost in it (the piece of kindling that's in his hand). After he finished building it, he walked over to Pop (Jerry, Eric's dad) and asked, "Do you like it, Pop?" Jerry said, "Of course! What's not to like?"

Apparently Zach thought Jerry's question was literal, because he responded with, "Well, not having good manners....or shooting your best friend, like my best friend Luke!"

So there you have it. Things you shouldn't like, according to Zachary. Bad manners and disloyal murder. Works for me.

Say It With An "I"

While driving to Florida a few weeks ago, I was teasing Eric about something. I can't remember exactly what it was, but I was saying things like, "You are so ridiculous", "You can't even blah blah blah", "You never remember to blah blah blah".

Eric came back at me with, "You know, a marriage counselor once told me that you should never start a sentence with "You" when in an argument with your spouse. It should always start with "I think" or "I feel"..."

I said, "Wow! I've always heard that there was no "I" in team..." But I spent the rest of our vacation always remembering to say, "I think that you are so ridiculous!"...."I think that you can't even blah blah blah"...."I feel like you never remember to blah blah..."


I think that that marriage counselor wasn't worth the $.05 piece of paper his/her license was printed on.

Andrews-Briggs

Best quote from lunch on Sunday.

Me to Eric: Of course you'd say that, you're an E-N-F-P. You P's always have to be that way. Drives me crazy!

Andrew: Eric, I feel for ya. You might be an E-N-F-P, but Suzanne's a B-I-T-C-H, and those are REALLY hard to deal with.

:o)

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zach fighting the waves at Siesta Key beach in Florida.

Ava's Fashions

In the words of that style maven Rachel Zoe, I die. This outfit is bananas. The highlight has to be the flyaway curls escaping from around the knit beanie cap.

Do Your Arms Hang Low

Zach's now famous "monkey walk". This move started out as Zach's natural body position when he was annoyed. He'd drop his head, hunch his shoulders and hang his arms down while walking away very slowly. I started calling it the monkey walk, and of course once he realized it was an entertaining move he started doing it all the time in a more exaggerated fashion. My dad loves to imitate Zach's monkey walk.

Free Zachary

Zachary has been practicing his swimming all summer in order to take and pass his "yellow wristband" swim test. The yellow wristband will allow him to go into different areas of our local YMCA pool. Well, this past Monday Melissa brought her kids to the pool with us, and she gave Zachary some tips. He spent an hour practicing her tips, and finally came to tell me he was ready to take his test.



Melissa taught him how to take a breath while swimming, but he chose not to during his test. I asked him later if he thought he was going to run out of breath during that swim, and he said, "Yes I did, but I didn't want to stop. I wanted to make it". I've never seen him so proud as he was after he passed that test. He even jumped back in and completed it a second time. After he got his wristband he had to call everyone he knew to tell them. He's been saying all week, randomly, "Mom, can you even BELIEVE that I passed my swim test??!?!??!"

Luke took his test too, right behind Zachary.

Thomas and Joshua had taken their test the day before:

The Few, The Proud, The Laughing Babies

My best friend Melissa's oldest son Gavin has a great idea. He wants everyone in the world to watch this video clip at the exact same time. Since you can't help but laugh when you watch this, he says that the combined laughter of every single human being would end all wars. I think it's a brilliant idea. I have this vision in my head of the Chinese attacking American soil, a line of thousands of ninja soldiers standing at attention ready to blow off our heads, and instead of the Marines we send out a troop of babies who just stand there and giggle uncontrollably....

Ninja Dreams

My kids' favorite new show, Ninja Warrior. You can watch it on G4tv channel. It's a Japanese obstacle course challenge, and these contestants train hardcore for their chance to beat the courses and become Ninja Warriors.

Tortilla Towels

I was at the pool yesterday with my kids and two of my niece Bonnie's children, Thomas and Joshua. (They're here for the week to hang out with my kids and go to VBS with them.) After I got out of the pool, I wrapped a towel around me and sat down. Thomas came over and looked at my wrapped towel and asked, "How do you guys DO that with your towels?".

He asked if I'd wrap his around his waist. I did, and he grinned and said, "I feel so cool!". I told him he looked like a burrito, a Thomas burrito. He smiled and immediately said, "My head is the meat hanging out of the top, and my feet is the lettuce falling out of the bottom!".


It's nice having a nephew who can get down and dirty with some metaphors and analogies....

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Eric and Colson try out a skim board at the beach.

Just Relax

My oldest niece Bonnie has been busy. All 5 of these cute faces belong to her. When I tell people that my oldest niece is 28 and has 5 children they always react with a horrified gasp. "How does she do it, is she crazy??!!". But you can search the world over and you'll never find a more relaxed mother than Bonnie. And while normally "relaxed mother" = wild unruly children, Bonnie's beautifully behaved children break down that stereotype.

Dancin' In Joisey

Yet another dance competition this weekend. This time it's close to home, in East Brunswick, New Jersey. The Big Apple Dance Country Dance Festival has been a staple on our dance calendar for years, and while attendance has dropped off recently it's still fun to go to a local event.

Tough Love

This commercial adequately depicts what I and Melissa and my brother Eric and my mother and Bethany would be like if someone said to us "and that's why yellow makes me sad, I think". I am going to find a way to use the term "Jackwagon" every day from now on.

Putting On Italian Airs

Eric's Dad shared with me this conversation between him and Zachary on one of their walks.

Zach: "Pop, if you didn't have Del or Max at your house, what would you do?"

Pop: "Well, I'd be very lonely..."

Zach: "You'd have to come live at our house with us."

Pop: "Well where would I sleep?"

Zach: (thinking....) "Oh, you could sleep in Mom and Dad's bed, in the middle right between them! Perfecto!!"

Wow, Zach. Really? Perfecto? Zachary apparently turns into Mario Batali when I'm not around.

My Studio, Studio

This was one of the funniest auditions so far this year on America's Got Talent. The contestant's name alone had me rolling on the floor in tears.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Today Zach sings one of his favorite songs, "God Is Bigger Than The Boogie Man", as sung by the Veggie Tales characters. The first time Zach saw a Veggie Tales movie, he looked at me with disdain five minutes into it and said, "Wait, all these guys are VEGETABLES!??!??!!!?!?"



This is the original Veggie tales version of the song:

My Van Has Turned Back Into A Pumpkin

WE'RE HOME!!!!!!!!!!

(now I will begin the 27 loads of laundry.........)


(....oh, and happy Independence Day)

Scary Cabin, M. Night Shamalamalayan Style

My brother Andrew's depiction of what happens in North Carolina, in Ava and Zachary's minds.

The Scary Cabin

We look pretty good for being in a dangerous state.

Invincible

The Philadelphia Eagles sent Eric a CD of pictures taken during the Men's Academy weekend. This great shot was included on the disc, taken less than 48 hours after his motorcycle accident. No stinkin' deer was going to keep Eric from his Vince Papale moment.

And nobody rocks a sling like my baby.