The Eyes Have It

I've found a new makeup guru. Her name is Julie, and she posts how-to video clips on YouTube. She does eye makeup tutorials that have really taught me how to blend properly, which I'd always had trouble with before. Her tutorials have also taught me how to create dimension on my eyes, as opposed to just brushing on some shadow and walking away with a flat look. She has a great false eyelash tutorial as well.

I just adore her perky passion. She's effervescent, like Alka-Seltzer bubbles. You can't help but smile listening to her talk. Yes, she may not use the right word all the time, and her grammar may leave something to be desired, but you can tell right away that she really knows what she's talking about, even if she can't always put it into the correct words.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Here it is, today's Zachary interview. Learn about his day at Hershey Park, and about why he won't be sad when I die.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

You will have to wait a few hours for today's Zach interview. He requested we wait until this morning to "do the camera questions", since he was so tired last night.

Check back later.

God Must Be Busy On The 4th of July

While at Hershey Park yesterday, Eric mentioned to the kids that there might be fireworks once it got dark. Walking out of the park at 9:45pm, with no fireworks in sight, Zachary said:


"Mom! We forgot to pray and ask God to start the fireworks! You know he can do fireworks because he's magic...."


Zach sees God as Mickey in Fantasia...

Argh!

Cole and Ava used to love playing pirates. I'd draw treasure maps for them and make them eyepatches, and that would be a full day's entertainment.

How To Get A Compliment, Zach-style

Driving to the pool yesterday:

Zach: Ava, wook at my big fat belly!

Ava: Zach, you don't have a big fat belly, you're skinny.

Zach: Awww, Ava! Fanks for calling me skinny!

Amy's Anecdotes, Part 2

Amy was always so tenderhearted.

We shared a bedroom for a short period of time when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old, upstairs in the attic room of our Laurel Drive house. I remember one night being very sick, and I asked her if I could get into bed with her. She said yes. While laying there, I threw up on my side of her bed. She continued to let me sleep with her, she just told me to scoot over a little closer to her so I wouldn't be laying on the vomit.

Now that's love.

A Summer Affair

I just read this book, A Summer Affair, by Elin Hilderbrand. I couldn't connect with the main character at all. She's this woman who begins an affair with the husband of one of her friends, a woman who's been in a car accident and has been left with some mental incapacties. The woman was driving drunk when the accident occurred, and Claire feels guilty because she bought the woman her last drink when they were at the bar, and while Claire and her friends asked the woman to ride home in the cab with them, they didn't insist that she do so.

That's where it falls apart for me. I can't imagine feeling guilt about someone else's actions. If you get drunk at a party, and don't take my offer of help, the consequences are all yours. I accept no part of them. I have enough to worry about in my own actions to give one second to feeling blame for yours. And I don't expect anyone else to feel one ounce of guilt about anything that I do. My actions are 100% my responsibility.

Anyway, I finished reading the book, but it was hard to get past this woman's whiny guilt and weak mind.

Who You Gonna Call? Homeschoolers!

Here's my parenting tip of the day:

Don't forget about your local homeschoolers.

If you've moved to a new town and are looking for a babysitter, or looking for entertainment ideas for your child's birthday party, or hunting down information on your local school district, google homeschooling in your county/town/state, and you'll probably find a group email address.

Homeschoolers are famous for knowing all there is to know about their local area. And you won't find better babysitters, and certainly not more available babysitters, than among the homschooling community.

Add that tool to your toolbox, it's a handy one.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zachary was too tired from our busy weekend to film a video spot, so I decided to upload his first ever video spots. (taken with our old dumb camera that didn't record sound)




Kid had to eat straight out of the womb. Like his brother and sister before him, disconnect umbilical cord and immediately connect a silicone nipple.

The Bookworm Doesn't Fall Far From The Apple

When I was in my pre to mid teens, my Dad used to take me to this bookstore called Great Christian Books (in Delaware?) a few weekends per year. After entering, he'd say "Pick out whatever you want!", and then we'd both spend the next few hours painstakingly picking through our chosen sections of the store. I'd end up with this huge tower of books which I'd then self-edit. I'd decide how many of the higher priced ones I thought it would be okay to ask for, and then I'd go through the lower priced ones and try to get my numbers down.

I'd get my tower down to a more reasonable size before I showed them to Dad, always nervous that this might be the time he'd say "That's too many, go put some back". But he never did. In fact I always got the sense that I could have walked up to him with a shopping cart full of books and he'd have been happy to get them for me.

I loved those bookstore trips.

Happy Father's Day to the man who has always understood and shared my love for books (much to my mother's chagrin).

I Wanna Eat Your Baby

Eric and his Mini-Me.

Another Bird Leaves The Nest

Well, today's the big day. Brookey gets married. Another of my Lewis nieces married off. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday that the 4 of them were the little girls I spent all of my teenaged time with. My favorite teenage moments all involve those girls, but I never thought about the people they'd be when they grew up.

Turns out they're not much different now then they were then. Bonnie's still easy going, caring and funny, Bethany's still wicked smart, reserved and sarcastic, Brooke is still responsible, serious and level headed, and Brianne is still outspoken, tough and passionate.

While all four of them have outrageously beautiful hair and outrageously large boobs, the major characteristic that ties them together is a fierce independent streak. All four of them take care of themselves, and how! They've created lives for themselves in the midst of chaos, and have flourished.

Although I will admit I have moments of melancholy where I sit in the corner and weep for the days when those four little girls thought the sun rose and set on their Aunt Suzanne, most of the time I'm nothing but proud of all four of them.

So happy wedding day to the little girl with the giant brown eyes, the Snow White cap of brown curls, and the serious smile.

An Eric Episode

I don't have many memories of my brother Eric from childhood. Being 15 years older than me, he left home for the Navy before I entered school.

But I do remember that for a period of time, holidays held a special appeal because of him. My parents were with the Navigators during that time, and lived on support. My mother was the queen of stretching a dollar, and our pantry was a generic brand wonderland. Instead of Cheerios, we'd have Toasted Oats. Instead of Doritos, we'd have Cheesy Tortilla Rounds. Our Oreos were called Two Brown Disks With White Cream Sandwiched Inside.

During this time period, we also drank powdered milk. I was never one to question or complain about the food choices in my home, but I will say that even then I thought powdered milk was gross.

So you can imagine the joy that filled my little heart when Eric would walk in the door for Christmas, carrying a gallon of whole milk in one hand and a box of bona fide Cap'n Crunch in the other! Not Crunchy Corn Nuggets, but real Cap'n Crunch!

I remember eating bowls and bowls of Cap'n Crunch with whole milk through the Christmas holidays. The roof of my mouth would be torn up for weeks afterwards. For years I associated Eric with milk and cereal.


Some kids wanted expensive trendy toys for Christmas, I wanted brand name cereal and milk that had that ability to go bad in a week.

Mr. Golden Sun

I promised you some funny "traveling with Melissa" anecdotes, so here's the first one.

Melissa and sunscreen application. Let's talk about it. First, she sets up three different bottles of sunscreen, with different SPF levels. She takes the one that has an SPF of 50 first, and squirts out a tiny amount onto the tip of her pointer finger.

She then takes that finger and looks in the mirror to find a specific spot on her body. Once she finds the spot she's looking for, she takes the tip of her finger and rubs the tiny amount of sunscreen onto that area for a few minutes, making sure the sunscreen really gets worked into that dime sized area. These areas are scars, sunspots, and other places of suspicion that cause her worry. I had to film a demonstration of this process, so that you could really appreciate the finer details of this process. Enjoy, and take copious notes, so that you can stop applying sunscreen like some kind of cretin :



(You can see how, when she began this process, I laid back down on the bed and grabbed a magazine, because I had quickly done the mental math, calculating the number of square inches of skin multiplied by the number of seconds of rubbing per dime-sized area, remembering to add in a few instances of resquirting sunscreen onto the finger, and realized I wasn't getting to the pool anytime soon.)


The next step is to take the SPF 30 sunscreen bottle, and apply that to those areas that have ever gotten sun poisoning. Those areas are a bit larger, so she can use more of her hand to apply larger quantities. And the last step is the SPF 15, which is applied in more of a normal fashion, one you would recognize as "sunscreen application". She applies this sunscreen to larger areas of skin, in a less painstaking way.

All in all, watching Melissa get ready to go to the pool is like watching an A&E documentary, the "before" clips of the people with OCD who are going to go through intensive therapy so that they don't have to tap their chin 30 times before each bite.


Who needs reality TV when you can just travel with Melissa????


(did you notice my present from Eric? he started stripping the wallpaper in the master bathroom while I was away...)

OSid goihawiur owugenvn

.....haven't................recovered...........................yet..................


Staying up until 2 and 3am for three nights in a row has kicked my ass.



Hopefully by tomorrow I will be able to form coherent sentences again.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Zach expresses his sadness over my leaving him for 3 days.

Ungame Sunday

While I'm in Orlando dancing my little heart out, take a moment to answer today's Ungame question:

What do you think about when you can’t fall asleep?

Double Vision

This is a picture Eric took a couple of years ago, using his Mac and some special effects. Ava would have made cute Siamese twins.

Strange Love

Eric and I were reminded a few weeks ago of how different our relationship can seem to some couples. There are people who think it is so strange that Eric is "ok" with me traveling to dance competitions without him, and people who think it is strange that I am "ok" with Eric not really being into coming to dance competitions with me.

Let me assure those of you who are skeptical that is REALLY is "ok" with both of us. Eric and I are individually very independent and very confident, both in ourselves and in each other. I really and truly don't need him to go to competitions with me. I know that he's not that into dancing, and I don't need for him to pretend to be. It does nothing for me to force him to do something he's not interested in. I'm not that into poker, and I'd certainly rather stay home with the kids than go hang out and watch him play poker for a weekend.

I don't even talk about dancing that much with Eric. I give him the Reader's Digest version of the weekend when I get home. But I know he doesn't care about what cool move Sam and Denise Miller did in their solo, or whose partnership broke up, or the amazing costume that Brandi was wearing, and it really doesn't bother me that he doesn't care about those things. I have Mom and Melissa to call and talk about those things with. Eric celebrates my wins and sympathizes with my losses, and that's plenty for me.

I love that Eric gets the kids completely to himself a few weekends every year. I'm sure the kids love that they get a break from me a few weekends every year.

I know that if I ever really want Eric to come to an event, he will. He came to a few events in the beginning, enough for him to get the feel of what goes on. And there may be some point in the future, if I ever make it to the Master's division, where I want him to come to an event again.

I've taken him to a few competitions that were in fun places, like Vegas and New Orleans. In Vegas he played poker all weekend while I danced, and he'd never been to New Orleans before (we went before Katrina, so New Orleans was still in it's glory), so we've done the competition-slash-mini vacation thing.

But we can both say without reservation that our arrangement isn't strange to us. It doesn't "say" anything negative about our relationship. Don't be worried. If you start seeing us attached at the hip, calling each other 47 times per day, and crying when the other leaves the house, that's when you can start worrying.

An Adventure Awaits Me

Well, I'm off to Orlando this afternoon, for a dance competition. Melissa has decided to come along for the ride. If past performance predicts future behavior, I'm sure to return on Monday with at least one or two good stories for you.

I wonder if we'll be coming home from Orlando to Philadelphia via Colorado Springs on Sunday night....

Parcheesi Anyone?

Last Saturday night I attended a 5th wedding anniversary party for my best friend Melissa and her husband Michael. I decided to surprise them by forcing everyone who attended to play The Newlywed Game. I printed out questions from the original board game, downloaded the theme song to my iPod and packed my portable speakers, grabbed a pack of paper plates to use as answer cards, and stopped at Walmart for a pack of Sharpies and prizes. Boom, Newlywed Game!

In doing this, I had a realization. No one plays couples games anymore. For me it seems so normal. When my parents were involved in the Navigators, couples games at get-togethers was the norm. My parents brought that to First Baptist Church as well. So growing up, I always saw couples getting together and playing games. Was it just a 70's thing?

These days it seems very passe among our age group. Very uncool.

Well, I'm bringing couples games back. It's my mission. Never shall there be a get-together among friends where a game is not played. When insecurities are thrown to the wind and facades are torn down, hilarity always ensues.

Cheesy games bring us together, folks.

May We Never Forget

One day a few months ago, I took the kids to Manderach Park in Limerick, Pa. I told the kids what the name of the park was. A few days later, Colson asked me what the name of that park was, because he had forgotten. Zachary chimed in "MANDERACH!" Colson was irritated that Zachary had remembered the name of the park when he couldn't.

Later that month, I took the kids to the Da Vinci Science Center in Allentown, Pa. Colson rode the Gyrosphere. He kept forgetting the name of it on the way home. I would remind him and all three kids would repeat the word "gyrosphere".

The kids love Chinese food, and Colson and Ava especially love General Tso's chicken. The first few times they had it, they couldn't remember it's name. They'd call it "that red chicken that Mom always gets".

Coincidentally, these three new vocabulary word memory issues happened fairly close to each other. At one point, the kids decided to make up a mantra of these words. I don't know whose idea it was, but they all bought into it. So now, at random times, one of the kids will yell out one of the three words..."Gyrosphere!". One of the remaining two kids will say one of the remaining two words..."Manderach!". And then the last kid will say the last word..."General Tso's chicken!"

So the next time you see one of my children, try saying one of those three words to them. If you're lucky, and they're comfortable with you, you'll hear the mantra. And if I'm lucky, this mantra will stick in your head and you won't be able to get it out for weeks!

Let's all say it together!!

Gyrosphere, Manderach, General Tso's Chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



(I have to say that when they do it, it can sometimes come off like they have touretts syndrome...)

Birthdays and Boo-Boos

First up today, a special birthday message for my brother Eric, or my brother-in-law Alan. The kids kept forgetting who to sing to....



Today's interview is short, due to Zach's excema, allergies and the plethora of boo-boos he's sustained in the past week. It's hard to give a good interview when you're obsessed with the status and color of your many scabs and bruises. Zach will walk you through each one, and if you're lucky you'll hear the story behind how each one came to be...

Ungame Sunday

Today's questions:

"What do you dislike most about yourself?"

Sleeping Beauty

This is my Dad at every family party. Eventually he falls asleep somewhere.

Stories Without Words

I was looking through some old videos, came across a group of Colson as a 2-3 month old. I had forgotten how expressive he was as a baby. He wasn't physical at all, he didn't roll over or walk or move, but he told stories from very early on. The stories were always full of emotion; sometimes sad, sometimes exciting, sometimes worried. But with each story you could tell how much frustration he had with not being able to properly express his feelings to me, as if he were always saying "Holy crap, why can't I speak??". If you were a captive audience, he'd tell these elaborate stories for hours on end. Here's an example of one, a story full of angst and sadness:

You Typed It

I love this instant message exchange between Ava and my brother, where she yells at him...

me: hi what are you doing?

Eric: Waiting for your Grandma to contact me... she's got car trouble...

me: what happend

?

Eric: Don't know yet... I'm waiting...

me: oh

i'm playing the game you sent Colson

Eric: Which one?

me: the tank game

Eric: Oh, cool...

me: i got to put it in my bookmarks

Eric: Yep, that helps...

me: so i can save it

mom did it

Eric: Nice...

Gotta go and help Mom...

Later...

me: who's your mom gramma? (you said you wher mommy's dad one time!)

Eric: I'm your mother's brother...

We have the same mother...

Suzanne is my sister...

Amy is my sister...

Andrew is my brother...

me: well...one time you said you were mom's Dad.

Eric: Nope, I never said that... Your Grandpa is your mother's Dad...

me: YOU SAID THAT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU JUST DON'T REMEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eric: No, you heard it wrong...

I would never say that...

me: you typed it

Eric: Prove it...

me: how?

Eric: Search your Gmail...

me: I FOUND IT!!!!!!!

Eric: In Grandpa's chats, right?

me: you typed it

Eric: Never...

me: YOU

Eric: Nope...

me: DID

Eric: Gotta go... Mom's calling...

me: K AND I'M RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're Going To WHAT???

Zachary gets very expressive when he's mad (big surprise, I know; he's expressive every waking moment). Usually he runs wailing to his room and slams his door, which Eric HATES. Eric always gives Zachary a lecture about the door slamming, but it hasn't been working.

Well, he came up with a brilliant idea the other night. Zachary got mad right before bedtime, ran to his room and slammed his door. Eric went in there and talked to him. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but when I went in later to tuck Zachary in, I found out what had transpired.

Zach looked up at me and said "Mom, Dad said that if I swam the door again he will take the door off and frow it away! So I'm not going to swam my door anymore, Mom..."

The look in Zach's eyes was one of awe. The tone in his voice was one of wonderment. It was as if what Eric had said was so creative and impressive there was nothing left to do but obey. Like Zach was saying, "I mean, threatening to REMOVE MY DOOR??!!??!!! That gets my attention!". Zach may as well have said, "Wow! Dad was just so amazing! He came out of left field with that one, I was NOT expecting that!".

And it has worked. The last two times Zach has run wailing to his room, Eric and I look at each other in silence, eyebrows raised, waiting for the slam. And both times we heard the tiniest little "click" of a softly closing door.

Lesson learned. To get through to Zachary you have to earn his respect. You have to discipline outside the box. You have to surprise him with creativity. Cliche punishments are laughable.

Maybe next time he doesn't pick up his toys I'll go in and squirt ketchup all over them.



I think Eric scored big respect points from Zachary with this one...

The Annals Of Andrew, Part 1

Now for an Andrew memory...

Because Eric and Amy are both so much older than I am (Eric is 15 years older and Amy is 13 years older), I don't have many childhood memories of them. Eric left home before I even started school, and Amy in the next couple of years.

Andrew is only 8 years older than I am, so I have more memories of him from my childhood. He was always very interested in playing with Stephen and I, so most of my young memories of Andrew revolve around games. The games with Andrew always involved invention and imagination, so you can see why I was always so attracted to playing with him.

One of the things he taught me to do was to build a proper mud hut outside for plastic army men. I will now share this process with you:

Step 1: Wait until just before it's going to rain.

Step 2: Dig a hole in the dirt large enough for the army men to lay down in.

Step 3: Cover the hole with twigs.

Step 4: Cover the twigs with grass.

Step 5: Cover the grass with mud of the perfect wetness.

Step 6: Repeat steps 3-5 until you feel that your hut is impenetrable.

Step 7: Wait out the rain, and then go outside to see who's mud hut best withstood the storm.


Of course Andrew's hut always won. I used to think he won everything because he was the greatest in all the world, but now I realize he always won because he was a 16 year old competing against a 7 and 8 year old.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

Today Zach discusses the merits of his siblings. He also invites you to share the woes of living with excema and teaches you about "bleeders".