Kate Minus Jon Equals Octomom

Watching the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 on Monday night, my stomach was churning. It was such a classic example of something that Brian Jones, the pastor at Christ's Church of the Valley, said one Sunday. He said that the children are not the priority in the marriage. The marriage is the priority. I had never heard that truth put so plainly before, but I've realized quickly in my marriage how true it is.

Kate kept saying things like, "I'm doing this for the kids. I'm still here because of the kids. I'm pushing forward because of the kids". I couldn't understand what she was saying, because, in my mind, "doing this for the kids" would mean tearing up the contract for season 5 the first time their picture was in a tabloid. "Doing this for the kids" would mean not talking about your problems with your spouse on national television. "Doing this for the kids" would mean canceling your book tour and TV talk show interviews and shutting yourself and your spouse into a room and having a come-to-Jesus. If it takes a year, it takes a year. You do what you have to do.

You can do nothing more important for your kids than putting your marriage first. When things start to go bad in the marriage, priority one is dealing with it. When you have children, you have no time to ignore marital issues. "For the children", you put all effort towards working the issues out. It's no fun AT ALL, but you have no choice. It's the price you pay for having children. Procrastination is not an option anymore.

Having three older siblings, I've gotten the great blessing of being able to learn from their experiences, as well as my own. No one likes to talk out problems LESS than me, but I know that nothing is more important for my childrens' mental health than for Eric and I to work out our differences in a timely and mature manner.

And I'm not saying that you have to work it out towards staying together. Obviously that's the goal, but even if that's not going to be the outcome, you make finishing it a priority. Finishing it with dignity, privacy and speed. THAT'S what's "best for the kids". Kids don't do well in ambiguity. For their sake, you put your nose to the grindstone and figure your shit out, to whatever end, so that the kids are in a state of upheaval for the least amount of time. That's your job.

After I finished watching I had to run downstairs and hug my husband and promise him that if we ever had a reality show, and it was affecting our marriage, I'd shred our TLC contract, pack up our house and move us all to Switzerland so we could refocus and work through our problems.

I also promised that I'd never get a reverse mullet haircut.