Mein Salad

It's Holocaust Week! That's right, Melissa and I start a new diet today, one that we created together. It's called the Nazi Diet. Oh stop, chill out. We've called it that because we intend on being just like Nazis when it comes to food. You know, the good part of Nazis. Their dedication and their organization. Admit it, those Nazis had organization and notation down to a science. They were, well, Nazis about it. They wrote EVERYTHING down. Everything was planned to a T.

And this first week we're calling Holocaust Week because we're going extreme. We're purifying our bodies of the toxins. Getting rid of every last one. Processed waste must be eliminated! Heil Protein! We're gettin' all Anne Frank up in dis piece! If you need us, we'll be behind the hidden cupboard in the attic, writing down every last crumb that we shove into our stupid pieholes.

Come on, it's called an ANALOGY. In the words of Zachary Mosley, did you ever hear of that?? We're not making fun of the holocaust, for the love of Beyonce Knowles. It was a tragedy of epic proportion. But it happened, so you can't not talk about it. And, just like every epic tragedy in life, it's up for grabs when it comes to analogy fodder.

We could have called it the Hiroshima Diet. Pearl Harbor Week. The Trail Of Tears Month. But we chose the holocaust because, well, Melissa started it. And then I jumped right on that cattle car and rode it straight into the fiery depths of Auschwitz, because I'm like that. Get me started down an analogous road and I won't get off until my ashes are drifting down like a light snowfall....

Too much?


(I love to freak you out.........)