Demons Among Us

So I discovered something last night at the pet store.

Chinchillas freak me out. They just do. Any animal that has the tail of a squirrel, the ears of a rabbit and the body of a guinea pig scares me something fierce. And those folds of furry skin on the backs of their necks that look all armadilloish, I can't even stand it. Do you see what I mean? Those strips of folded fur flesh that look like armadillo plating?? I look at one and all of a sudden I'm jerking my head around violently, expecting zombies to rush at me from a corner because reality has ceased to exist.


You can't walk around looking like that. It's too Wonderland/Inception for me. I start to wonder if I'm dreaming, or if maybe someone spiked my Diet Pepsi with hallucinogens. I can only take animal combos in pairs. Cockapoos, fine. They don't scare me. You take a cocker spaniel and a poodle and breed them. Fine. Cute. Nothing scary about that.

But when you start looking like 3, 4, even 5 other animals put together, I lose my mind. My world starts unraveling at the seams. Time and space seem to have no meaning anymore.

And those eyes. There's something wrong with their eyes. They're way too big for their bodies. It's like they know something. Something will affect you big time. But they're not telling. It's like they know how our race is going to end or something. I just want to grab one by it's stupid armadillo scruff and shout in it's face, "TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW, YOU SON OF A MONKEY'S UNCLE!!!". But I know it would just sit there all smug and squirrelly and not answer me. Because they just don't care.

Don't take me word for it, stop by your local pet store sometime soon and look into the eyes of a chinchilla. Then tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. That is if you can bring yourself to relive the traumatic experience.