It's A Bird, It's A Plane.......No, It's PAM GIRL!!!!

The following is a true story:



While my best friend Melissa was paying for her groceries the other day, she heard a child screaming. She looked around, and noticed a crowd of store employees around the DVD rental machine.


She decided to walk over and investigate, because this unseen child was screaming as if he/she were dying. When she got through the crowd, she saw a scared little boy, about 4 or 5 years old, with 4 of his fingers stuck in the DVD return slot. He couldn't pull them out, and his fingers were swollen and bleeding from trying. The mother said that the boy had asked if he could return their DVD, and while he was putting the DVD into the slot his fingers got stuck. She screamed for a store employee, and the employee called the paramedics, who were on their way.

Melissa was shocked because, first of all, the mother was a complete useless wreck. She was standing up with all the store employees, blubbering and wailing about her poor son, while her poor son was scared out of his mind because a machine was eating his fingers. Melissa was also shocked because no one else was doing anything either. The employees were just standing around talking and waiting for the paramedics. No one was paying any attention to the little boy.

In the 30 seconds that it took Melissa to assess the situation, one of the managers had a semi-coherent thought and ran to get some Karo syrup. He came back with it and tried to use it to free the boy's fingers, but as you can see from the above pic, a DVD rental machine slot goes IN, not DOWN. So obviously the Karo wasn't getting into where the boy's fingers were, yet this manager kept pouring the Karo all over the boy's hand, just watching it drip down and puddle onto the floor. Melissa was watching in complete irritation at this grocery store manager's ignorance of the laws of gravity, wanting to grab the Karo syrup and pour it down the back of the guy's pants, when......suddenly......



....the force of Melissa's shock and irritation at these complete fools caused a chemical reaction within her, sort of like how anger caused a chemical reaction within the Incredible Hulk, and she immediately turned into......Pam Girl! (In my imagination, she spun around three times and, in a swirling cloud, turned into a 7 foot tall Glamazon with shiny red boots and a cape, high breasts and a 15 inch waist, and a pissed-off glint in her eye......but maybe that's just me)

She turned around and ran to her shopping cart, searched through her bags, and grabbed the can of Olive Oil Pam that she'd just bought.

Pam Girl ran over to the crowd of people, and inserted herself into the situation. She knelt down to the little boy's side, looked him right in the eye and said, "Hi! I want to try this spray to help get your fingers out. Would that be okay?". The little boy whimpered a yes, and Pam Girl went to work. She started spraying into the slot, making sure lots of Pam got in between the boy's stuck fingers. After 10 seconds of spraying, the boy's fingers were freed!

The useless mother started hugging the store employees, and the store employees started high- fiving each other. Again, no one acknowledged the boy. So Melissa hugged him and told him how brave he'd been. She handed him the can of Pam and told him he could keep it, and told him to make sure to tell all his friends the cool story about how a machine had tried to eat his fingers, but a can of Pam had saved him!

At this point Melissa walked over to her cart of groceries, minus one can of Pam, and casually pushed it out of the store.

(...my imagination takes over again here, and I see the little boy looking out the window at Melissa as she pushes her cart of groceries to her car, and he wistfully whispers..."Goodbye, Pam Girl....thank you......")

When Melissa called to tell me this story, she ended it with, "So you see, I may not crochet socks for orphans all the time, but I do nice things once in a while!!"


p.s., Sorry about the preggo pic, Liss...it was the only one I could find where you were by yourself and had a free hand for your prop.