Found these pictures of Colson and Ava today.....Have you ever...
The sad part is, I don't remember anything about them at this age. I look at these pictures and almost can't believe that those were my kids. I don't know if it's because I was still in my obese coma, from having gained 80 pounds and then 60 pounds in a 20 month span, or if it's because I got pregnant with Ava 7 weeks after having Colson, but it's as if they didn't come to life for me until they were 2 or 3 years old.
It's not that I didn't love them before then, I did. But I wasn't "in love" with them (to coin a popular phrase) until they were 2 or 3. When the nurse put each of them in my arms after they were born, I felt like I was looking at casual acquaintances, that I knew I had to take really good care of. I didn't "feel" that instant looooooove thang.....
But once they really became "people", and I was able to connect with them brain on brain, that's when I fell madly IN love with them. It's as if I just didn't realize, when they were babies, what they were going to turn into. With babies, your job is so simple. A monkey could do it...in fact, they do. Feed, clothe, bathe, hold, sleep...repeat.
But once those babies can communicate and think and make choices, they become so interesting and challenging, and that is exciting.
When I had Zachary, it was very different. When the nurse gave him to me after he was born, I looked into his eyes and fell immediately and hard. I'll never know if it was because I had figured out how to love babies, because I realized what they turn into. Or if was something about Zachary himself that caused that reaction. Or if it was because I had finally fully recovered from my 2 year hormonal obese pregnancy stint.
Poor Cole and Ava...I wish I had known them then.
Not to worry, Cole and Ava, Grandma remembers many things about you two at this age. Cole's first word was "nice", although I had to convince your mother that that was what you were saying. How could she doubt it...you were patting me when you said it!
ReplyDeleteAva, I remember when you stayed with me, the only way you would go to sleep is when Grandma would sing while patting your back..."Go to sleepy little baby, when you wake we'll patty patty cake and ride a shiny little pony"
Yeah, I've always thought kids aren't really anything until they can say "NO". I mean, until then, what's the point?
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