I Think About You, Therefore You Exist

To continue my last topic, I need to clarify that my brain only goes through that extensive process with people who "matter" to me. The Timing Mistress, the Psychiatrists, the Cerebral Players do not waste any energy on the general public.

In my mind, "thought" equals "love". If I'm thinking about you, you matter to me, and the reverse. I spend SO MUCH brain power on the people who I consider to be in my circle, that when I encounter someone outside of that circle, I have nothing left for them. This is one of the many reasons that people think I am cold and dead inside. I can truly say that I do not consider the random people that I come across in a day. That probably sounds horrible, but it is very true. I am not out to hurt them, and I do try to exercise good manners in dealing with them, but I have no capability of considering them for even a second.

But this does NOT mean that I am cold and dead inside. It just means that my insides only have room to care for a certain number of people, because when I care about you, I care so much that it depletes my resources.

I even take this to the extreme of thinking that if you are capable of spreading your care evenly across the population, you must not really care about anyone in particular. If you treat everyone so well, how am I supposed to feel special to you? If you are someone who matters to me, you can feel special because I have had to eliminate thousands and thousands of people in order to care about you. The way that I treat you and think about you is so very different from the way I treat and think about the general public.

Strange?

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