My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 10

This post brought up one of the main questions that was running through my mind at the time. Why was my family so opposed to calling the police? I realize now that the main reason probably had to do with my Dad's extreme distrust of the government. The "dogs of Caesar", as he says to this day... To invite the "dogs" in was the last thing you'd want to do. So again, because the police weren't called, I thought what happened to me must not have been that serious. No emergency, move along. Nothing to see here, folks. False alarm.

My father chose to handle the situation in his own way. To ultimately disastrous results.


(originally posted February 2, 2012)

Why do some people react the way they do upon hearing a horrifying story, like one of child molestation?

Why is it so hard for some to just call the police? If your house was robbed, you'd call the police immediately, with no thought of the robber's family, their children, their spouses, their livelihood, their spiritual status.

If you walked into your home and found your wife and 3 children stabbed to death, you'd immediately call the police. You wouldn't stop to consider the murderer's family, their children, their spouses, their livelihood, their spiritual status.

If your child was kidnapped, you'd immediately call the police. You wouldn't stop to consider the kidnapper's family, their children, their spouses, their livelihood, their spiritual status.

Why is this different? Why do some people get stuck when it comes to child molestation? In my case, I'm sure the fact that the abuse was intrafamilial played a huge part. If I'd been molested by a stranger, I can't imagine my family wouldn't have called the police immediately. But because the molester's spouse was my sister, his children were my parents' grandchildren, the line became blurry.

Joe Paterno was told by Mike McQueary in the Penn State scandal that McQueary SAW Sandusky having anal intercourse with a boy he estimated to be 10 years old. Joe Paterno did not call the police, he reported the incident up the chain of command. Why were both of their reactions so skewed?

You could argue that the Penn State situation was intrafamilial too. That football organization was so longstanding, and the leaders so respected (especially the criminal), that even in the face of IRREFUTABLE evidence, the bystanders couldn't have an unbiased reaction.

McQueary SAW a boy being raped by Sandusky. My ex-brother-in-law CONFESSED to molesting me. Yet these evidences weren't enough to spur people to action. It makes you believe that the influence of the leaders was so strong and the atmosphere of the organizations so thick that people second guessed their own instincts.

Families are organizations. Football teams are organizations. Maybe what we're seeing is the danger of organized groups and their leaders?

Discuss....

ORIGINAL COMMENTS

Steve Stimson, Feb 2 3:50pm: Suzanne, I couldn't agree with you more. You make some excellent points here. You're absolutely right - if it hadn't been a family member, the response THEN would have been completely different. If the first response had been to call the police, there wouldn't be a response now - it would have been dealt with already. Your reference to JoePa is spot on. If he'd called the police and reported it, he would have lived to his dying day as THE head coach of Penn State football instead of being forced out in disgrace. He would probably be alive now because he wouldn't have had the stress of the abuse snowball on him.

Anonymous, Feb 3 8:02pm: Peer pressure, pressure within the organizations to not move out of the comfort zone.

Maybe we might be wrong. Maybe he confessed under duress. Maybe she was exaggerating. We don't want to ruin a man's career, marriage and his family. This child will get over it.

I think these sort of thoughts go through people's brains. Looking your abuser, a grown man, in the eye might have been harder than looking YOU in the eye back then. It was wrong to handle it that way, just like it was wrong for Paterno not to follow up and follow up and follow up for the sake of future boys. AND with what happened to you, there was already law in place.

I think I'm getting more and more angry having been an adult in that church when it was happening. Being a female I wasn't sitting on any board and never heard about any of this. Guess not too many females NOT in your family heard about it. I'm thinking that non-family female input might have led to a different conclusion or plan of action. I guess I know every man who WAS on the deacon board at that time.

Just disgusted!

Mark, Feb 6 3:12am: I think the fact that the abuser was a family member certainly had a large part to do with the decision. (Both relative-type family and church family). I wonder if another reason is because there were no visible results from the abuse to the outside world. There was ostensible repentance and forgiveness, and everything seemed to be hunky dory. Murder, arson, vandalism, robbery are all more visible and tangible, if you will. You, Suzanne, *seemed* to be fine to the outward eye, although we are all now aware that this was anything but true.

And I think that dovetails with another reason for not involving the police, that people especially in that era didn't realize quite how devastating sexual abuse can be. And many probably still don't fully fathom that. Frankly, I don't know if I realized quite how deep the scars could run until your eye-opening blog posts on the topic. That's one of the reasons that makes this whole sharing so healthy in the long run. As WASPs, many of us are prone to avoid talking about the ugly or uncomfortable things.

On a related note, I think the anonymous poster above has hit upon a flaw in the more traditional churches as to not having sufficient female leadership. I think she's right that a woman's or mother's point of view would've helped immensely.