Our Irish Eyes Are Rolling

So, I went out to dinner on Saturday night with a few of my nieces, Bethany, Brooke and Brianne. While we were walking out, two guys walked past us into the bar. They were your average Joe Schmoes, slightly obese, late 20-something, sweaty, blue collar guys. Both of them had on green t-shirts, that had FREE IRISH CREAM written on them, with arrows pointing down to their crotches.

Ok. Here's the deal. When you wear a shirt like that, you're, as my mother would say, "showing your tail". Or as I would say, "showing your ignorant ass".

Wearing a shirt like that makes no sense, guys. Let me break it down for you.

The message written on the shirt is obviously meant for women. I'm pretty sure you're not looking to attract men to partake of your Irish Cream, right? So given that your demographic is women, you're only showing your ignorance. Even the least experienced man knows that women are attracted to subtle displays of romance. Casual but sexy glances across a crowded room, "accidental" hand brushes as you walk past, roses mysteriously ending up on your table, you get the point. Blatant references to graphic sexual acts do not fit into that list.

Also, by making your opener an Irish Cream reference, you're bringing up what is, to a woman, one of the least pleasant parts of the event that you're hoping will occur. It's like trying to talk a woman into having a baby by talking about episiotomies and hemorrhoids, instead of the first joy of looking into your new baby's eyes. Know your audience, people.

To take it a step further, showing your ignorance in the laws of female attraction isn't giving us a great deal of faith in how things would go if we did decide to partake of said Irish Cream. If you don't even understand how to attract us, how are we to have any confidence that you'd know what to do once you've gotten us? It's like wearing your resume plastered to your chest, and under "education and experience with women's body parts", in boldface caps, it says NONE AT ALL.

Wow. Sign me up.


As for now guys, I think you're going to suffer from an excess of Irish Cream. Free ain't cheap enough. You couldn't pay us enough to take it off your hands. Because that's the only place it's going to end up. Might I suggest Kleenex.


;o)