My Explanation Of E.Coli Is Even Better

Part of my modus operandi as a parent is to make things that I know will set my children off sound really casual and non-threatening. This trait has served me well as I've had three abstract children, and abstract children can be VERY strange in their personal preferences.

When Colson and Ava were toddlers just starting to eat adult food, I knew that if I gave them true explanations for what they were eating, they would react in horror. For instance, if I overcooked one side of a grilled cheese, I knew they'd ask me what the "black part" was. Because I knew the word "burned" would not go over well, I had to come up with something very nonchalant to say about it.


So I'd say, very casually, "Oh, that's just cookin' stuff..." (and I'd always say it just like that, cookin'...without the "ing" sound. 'Cause it sounds much more threatening to say cookING stuff. Cookin' just comes out really fast, and your worries melt away.)

They'd say, "Ok" and just eat it.

If I made pork chops and they had burnt edges, "Oh, that's just some extra cookin' stuff..."

I used cookin' stuff to explain away specks of black pepper too, knowing that if I said "pepper" they'd wrinkle their foreheads.

It got to the point where they'd talk about the cookin' stuff to each other. "Colson, this one has lots of cookin' stuff on it!" "I know, Ava! The cookin' stuff is really good!" "I think I'm going to pick off some of this cookin' stuff".

Those days are gone, not just because I've learned to cook things better but because the kids don't buy that bullshit anymore, still Eric likes to tease me about it. He'll say, "You know, the kids are going to grow up and go out to eat and ask the waiter for a steak with extra cookin' stuff. Ava's going to be all, "Can I get the cookin' stuff on the side?"

"Colson's girlfriend will cook dinner for him and he'll say, "Wow, you put a lot more cookin' stuff on your chicken than my mom used to..."

Eric will say, "You need to write a cookbook called Cookin' With Cookin' Stuff!"


......I miss the days of cookin' stuff......