Suzanne's John Hancock

Colson has a homework folder that is sent home every night from school. It has his homework in it, as well as any finished assignments, school information, and various community activity notices. Occasionally (more often than not), there is some sort of form for me to sign and send back. Usually these forms are ridiculous and unnecessary, but I grin and bear it and just go with it.

Until the other day. There was a flyer in the stack of papers in the folder, a flyer advertising Highlights magazine. I glanced at it, and threw it away, knowing I didn't want to order a year's subscription of Highlights. I asked Colson to take out the kitchen trash a few minutes later.

Later that evening, Colson comes running upstairs. "MOM! Where's that green paper that was in my homework flyer?" I said, "The one with the magazine subscription on it? I threw it out, we're not ordering it."

"BUT MOM! You have to sign it and return it even if you're not ordering it!!" I told him that I was sure that wasn't the case. He said oh no, there was a form on the back of the flyer where the parents had to check whether or not they wanted to order a subscription sign and date it, and return it.

I hadn't turned the flyer over. And why would I have, who could have thought that you'd have to SIGN AND RETURN if you DIDN'T want to order a magazine??!?!???!

I told Colson that it was fine, he could just tell his teacher that we weren't buying anything. He was completely bent out of shape, his teacher had obviously made it a point to tell them it needed to be signed and returned, so I used this as an opportunity to reinforce in Colson's mind that Mom and Dad take precedence over teacher. If we say it's okay, then it's okay. He can calm down.

I on the other hand, couldn't calm down. I mean REALLY. I've had it with ridiculous forms. I've seen some ridiculous forms from the public school, but this took the cake. SIGN and return if you don't want to buy something.

Doesn't my signature mean anything anymore? Usually you have to give someone your signature for something important. A loan agreement. A contract. A marriage license. A check. A letter to a friend. A signature isn't something you just throw around.

I'm tired of signing my name to bullshit. Sign here to say you don't want to buy a magazine. Sign here so that we know you read the class homework agreement. Sign here to say that you'll sign any bullshit papers that we send home throughout the school year. Sign Sign Sign. You know what? I'M DONE SIGNING. I will check a box, or answer a question, but I'm DONE WITH SIGNING!! My signature means something, and I will choose when to use it. I'm so irritated by this that all I want to do is go up to that school everyday and make up papers for the administrators to sign.

"Hi! I'm Suzanne Mosley, and I need you to sign here to show that you know how to use a period properly. Thanks!'

"Hi! I'm Suzanne Mosley and I need you to sign here to say that you saw me walk through the front door, thanks!"

"Hi! I'm Suzanne Mosley and I need you to sign here if you want me to stop coming here every day, thanks!"

I'm going to start sending papers to the teacher that require her signature. "Please sign and return this so I know Colson went to the bathroom today". "Please select which shoes Cole should wear tomorrow, and then sign and return". "Please sign and return if you don't want me to show up in your classroom tomorrow naked".