How I Say I Love You

I woke up at 4am the other day and realized that if Eric were to die, I would still want to have another baby at some point. And not just any baby, but a baby with him. Even if I were to marry again, I would only want to have Eric's children. I adore the way our DNA mixes, and I would want for my children to have more full siblings if at all possible.

It took me a long time to find his double helix, and I'm not going to take any chances....Lord knows there's a lot of bargain brand DNA out there, and that's one place where I refuse to skimp.

So I woke him up and told him that we need to freeze his sperm, in case of his death.

He looked at me as if I had suddenly sprouted a third eye.

Now in my mind, I had just made a huge declaration of love and loyalty. I might as well have just said to him "My darling, I will love you until eternity passes away. Our love is like an eternal flame, the likes of which has never been seen".

For some reason, he didn't hear it that way.

I think what he heard was "I've decided to become a vegan, tightrope-walking, Buddhist practicing nudist , and I'd like you to join me".

At any rate, he got too caught up in wondering about the science behind freezing sperm to give me a response, and then we fell back to sleep....

Willy Nilly Silly Old Bear

If I hear one more celebrity talk about the dying polar bears, I'm going to scream. They're not even talking about global warming at this point, they're talking specifically about the dying polar bears. (I mean, if they really believe the earth is heating up so fast, why bother with the polar bears? That's like the proverbial thimble on the Titanic.)

Here's my take on the polar bear crisis:

If you believe in the theory of evolution, why isn't polar bears dying out part of that evolving? Evolution hasn't just stopped, right? Maybe the polar bears are supposed to die, so that a certain species of fish can flourish, and by flourishing, will eventually evolve into some new amazing half fish/half land mammal creature?

If you were alive when the dinosaurs started facing extinction, would you have tried to save them? Would we have seen celebrities on TV asking everyone to donate money to save the poor dinosaurs? Noooo, we're very happy about the possible climate change that brought the extinction of the dinosaurs.

What is the big deal about polar bears anyway? If they were to all die out, how would your life be different?

How often do you sit around and say "Man, I miss those dodo birds...". "Life sure hasn't been the same since the Falkland Islands Wolf...".

How many psychiatrists do you think get patients who say "Doc, I just can't sleep knowing that there are no more Japanese Sea Lions! I can't take it anymore!"

Why are people in such a tizzy over losing the polar bear? Is it Coke's fault? Is it just because polar bears are more well-known animals? Is it because they're cute and furry? Or is it because Americans are easily swayed by people like Al Gore?

Do you even know how many species of animals are on this planet??? We can afford to lose a few.


In the words of the naturalist, It's the circle of life, people..................

My Dance Card Is Full....of Venn Diagrams

As an INTJ, I am a scientist. I live to know the "why" of things.

A good example of this can be found in my dancing. I am a competitive couples dancer, and have been for about 13 years now.

When I dance, I am not happy with just being able to execute a move. I don't feel like I truly can dance until I understand WHY the moves work. If I don't feel like I can give a 30 minute lecture on the body mechanics of that particular move, I feel like a phony. Only when I fully understand what is going on, can I let go and express myself. For me, expression requires understanding.

Which probably makes me quite different from most of the dancers out there, who tend to be the SP types. They, like Nike, JUST DO IT! Who cares why? My dance partner is an ISTP. He puts up with my scientific approach to a certain point, and then he says "Yeah, at some point, you have to stop talking and JUST DANCE."

Pronunciation Pontifications, Part Tres

This one makes me wild...

Contractions. They are two words put together, where an apostrophe represents letters that have been removed from the second word.

Should've = Should HAVE
Could've = Could HAVE
Would've = Would HAVE

NOT:
Should of
Could of
Would of

Again, if you just hear someone pronounce "should've", you might think they are saying should OF. If you then say "should of", most likely no one will know that you are saying the wrong word. They'll think you're using the contraction "should've". But when you go to write "should of", your jig is up.

Have you ever seen the word written as "should'f"????



Oh that's right....you don't read.

Owners Of Pine Trees, Beware

Eric was playing football with the boys in the front yard on Sunday afternoon. I was up in my bedroom, and I opened the window that faces the front yard to watch them. Now, that window has a tree in front of it. When I looked out through the tree branches, I saw the most horrifying thing.

I guess I've never seen pinecones growing. It could be the freakiest thing ever. The tree was covered with them, and they were standing straight up, with sap trickling down the sides. They looked like some sort of alien life-growing pods. I started getting all of these X-Files visions in my head.

And so many of them, standing at attention...waiting for their master to send them some sort of alien signal to hatch.


Then the Roombas will burst out of the pods and lay siege upon my house

Funnier Than The Pink Cat

Ava drew the funniest characters at school on Thursday. Not for anything in particular, just doodling. The guy's chest muscles cracked me up, along with his sleepy bedroom eyes.

Her artwork reminds me of her Uncle Andrew's......

New Kid On The Block

Me: Zachary, should we have another baby, so you can be a big brother?

Zach: Sure!

Me: How will I get another baby?

Zach: Go make yourself one with Cole's legos.